Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | Grade It Now!
I Was Dreaming When I Wrote This

On the Island; Time Once Known, But Now Sadly Not: Sawyer and crew continue their endless march to the beach, and scenic route or not -- this is getting frakking ridiculous. I keep waiting for them to run into Tom Bombadil. Locke catches up to James. "You ready to tell me who you saw back there?" Sawyer's not in a sharing mood, but Locke's a persistent fellow. "You and I both know when we were before the flash, James. So who was it you saw -- Charlie? Shannon? Yourself?" Oh Locke, don't corner happy fun Sawyer.

Sawyer sneers at Locke. "And how is it that you knew when we were, Johnny boy? That light in the sky -- it was from the hatch, wasn't it?"

Locke looks back, front, left, right, up, down and all around. "The night that Boone died, I went out there, started pounding on it as hard as I could. I was... confused... scared..." Guilty? Don't mind me; Locke isn't. Sawyer, meanwhile, is looking at Locke like he's scared to death that Locke is going to confess to a homo-erotic encounter. Locke pays him no mind either, and continues: "Babbling like an idiot, asking, why was all this happening to me?" And by "me" you mean "Boone", right? The wee little Locke that lives in my top left desk drawer says, "Don't be preposterous, Cindy. It's all about me." Quite right, wee Locke. Pardon me. Meanwhile, the Sawyer that lives in the TV asks Locke if he ever got an answer. And the Locke that lives in the TV says, "Light came on, shot up into the sky. At the time, I thought it meant something." Sawyer asks if it did. "No. It was just a light." Oh my -- is our resident Man of Faith eschewing his role? Sawyer asks why Locke turned them around, why he avoided encountering his past self, and informing himself to do things differently, thereby saving himself from a world of pain. Locke is disturbingly sanguine. "No, I needed that pain to get to where I am now." On the other hand, he's still clearly a man of faith if he thinks where he is now is a place worth being.

Meanwhile, Miles informs Daniel that he just had a nosebleed. Um -- just? It was dark, and okay, maybe that was only a couple of minutes ago. Never mind. Daniel is alarmed, because that's one of his pre-programmed speeds, but Miles doesn't want to freak out the rest of their party. He just wants to know why it's happening to him, and to Charlotte. Daniel says, "Uh, I think it might have something to do with duration of exposure -- you know -- the amount of time you've spent on the island." Miles says that doesn't make any sense, because those "yahoos" have been on the island for months, whereas Miles has only been there for two weeks. Yahoos! I must smish him. And you know he'd get all gruff about being smished, but then he'd confide in me about how Daniel seems way more into Charlotte than him, and how it's so not fair. Then we'll drink Appletinis and... oh crap, I'm channeling J.D. I'd blame all the Appletinis, except I've never had one, so let's blame the flashes. I just hope I don't have magical hemorrhagic jetlag. Anyhow... Daniel wants to know if Miles is sure that he's never been on the island before, and Miles gives him the old are-you-whack look, while the rest of us start thinking something smells, and it might just be Dr. Pierre Chang's baby's diapers.

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