Lost

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Sawyer is, ahem, lurking in the bushes watching the Losties go about there business. There is so much lurking done on this Island they should just give in and make it the official sport of the Island, get Pepsi to sponsor it, and have playoffs. Then we can get a retarded monkey with a typewriter to recap the Lurking-lympics and spare me the agony of having to write the word "lurking" one more time. Until then I will continue: Sawyer is lurking in the bushes until the one trustworthy man on the Island saunters by. That's Sayid, of course. As Sawyer jumps out of the bushes in front of him, Sayid, being the manly man that he is, is scarcely bothered to raise an eyebrow and simply asks what happened to him. Sawyer explains that he was with Locke, but Locke went back to join the Others. Sayid is about to ask where the camp is, because he apparently never tires of hunting them down, getting his ass whooped, and limping back to the beach. Sawyer cuts him off saying he doesn't know where it is and it doesn't matter. There are more important things afoot.

Speaking of a foot, the Others aren't really surprised to see Patch Adams, a.k.a. Mikhail, back on his. Patch comes running through the woods at mach speed shouting for Ben. Ben says he thought Patch was dead, but Patch explains that the security pylons were not set to lethal levels. Patch is startled when Locke comes out of Ben's tent. He demands to know what he is doing there since he tried to kill him and all. Ben explains that Locke is with them now. Patch rolls his eye and tells Ben about his run-in with the Losties and the woman who landed on the Island. He says she was on a "helo" -- which I assume is Soviet Army speak for "magical unicorn" -- that crashed in the ocean. She has a radio telephone, too. Ben asks where she is, and Patch says he assumes the Losties took her back to their camp. Ben explains that they are headed to the beach the day after tomorrow and they will deal with it then, but Patch insists that they go now. Locke won't stand for that, though, and yells that Ben is not going anywhere with Patch, because Ben is taking him to see Jacob. Everyone looks shocked by this. I know, right? Locke is sending such mixed signals! I thought he was totally not into Ben, but now that he's heading off with Patch, he suddenly wants him? Talk about mixed messages! Oh wait -- it was the Jacob thing wasn't it? Ben is so shocked by Locke's outburst that he looks like one of those rubber dolls you squeeze and make their ears and eyes pop out. Patch is shocked that Ben is even listening to Locke, but not nearly as shocked as when Locke storms up and kicks the Russkie out of him! Ben tries to get Tom and Mr. Eyeliner to intervene, but they won't budge. Locke finishes up with Patch and asks Ben when they are leaving.

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Lost

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