Lost

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Ben is fiddling with his canteen (still not a euphemism!) while he tries to talk Locke out of going to see Jacob. Whether or not Locke thinks Jacob is the Wizard of Oz, he is very real. And he is not a man you go and see. He is a man who summons you. In my world, we call that a booty-call buddy. Ben explains that his hand was shaking because Jacob is going to be very angry. I guess Jacob's just not that into you, Ben! Locke calmly eats a mango and tells Ben that there is a first time for everything. Ben is shaking his head as they don their packs and head off into the woods as all the Others stare after them.

Young Ben sits on a swing set with the cutie patootie girl, Annie. She is so darn cute I just want to eat her up! She hands him a present that he opens to reveal two little dolls. In case you are wondering, Ben is definitelythe type of boy who likes dolls. Annie explains that she made the dolls, and they're supposed to be him and her, so they never have to be away from each other! Kind of sweet, but a little creepy, too. Young Ben has re-wrapped the present by the time he heads back to his house. His no-good drunken father is passed out on the couch with the Dharma beer can still clutched between his fingers. I'm sure you are aware that Roger has spent this entire episode preparing for his moment to secure the victory in the Bad Dad Competition on Craphole Island. Now he must perform: Ben pries the can out of his hand and goes to take off his dad's boots. As he takes the boot off, Roger wakes up and spies the birthday present. He sits his drunken ass up and mumbles, "Sorry I forgot your birthday. It's hard to celebrate the day you killed your mom!" He is really going for the gold this time, folks! Let's watch the rest of the routine: "She was seven months pregnant and we went on a hike. You had to come early. Now she's gone and I am stuck on this Island. With you. Happy birthday, Ben." He finishes the act by passing out cold! He shoots! He scores! An excellent performance, Roger! You mastered the psychological equivalent of knocking your son out an eight-story window! Good work! The judges will have a hard time with this stellar performance in the mix. Young Ben bursts into tears and runs out of the house to the woods. He runs and runs until he comes to the security fence. As he gawks at the awesomeness of sonar perimeter-ness of the barrier, he sees his mom. She's standing right outside the security fence. He runs towards her, but she stops him from frying his brain and says it is not time yet. She turns and walks into the woods while he cries. As she disappears, he runs backs toward the Barracks.

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Lost

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