Grizzly Jack is slumped on the floor of an apartment carpeted entirely in maps, atlases, compasses, and crap cognac bottles. Fire your decorator! He has a cell phone and he is about to drunk dial. And even though I just recommended firing your decorator, don't do it while you are completely blotto. In fact: Drunk Dialing: Don't Do It!!! Seriously, Gentle Readers, if there is only one thing you take away from this incredibly long recap let it be this: Do Not Drunk Dial. Do Not Let Your Friends Drunk Dial. Only bad things can happen. Learn from my mistakes. Grizzly Jack totally ignores my advice. He dials and says, "Hello, it's me. Wait. Wait. Please don't hang up. I know what you said, but I need to see you. Please. Yeah, I'll be at the airport. You know where. Thank you." Any time you have to start a phone call with "Please don't hang up," andyou're three sheets to the wind, just hang up the phone and deny, deny, deny that you ever made a call. Get a new phone. Get a new number. Just don't admit it was you.