Tricia Tanaka Is Dead

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It's Miller Time!

Hurley walks into his luxuriously appointed home. He is covered in... what is that? Meteor ash? Asteroid dust? Whatever it is, he could undoubtedly scrape it off his body and sell it on eBay. His mother walks over and asks what happened. He explains that Tricia Tanaka is dead, that Mr. Cluck's got destroyed by an asteroid, and that it's all his fault due to the cursed lottery numbers. His mom slaps him. It was an accident! It is not your fault! He prattles on about how the numbers are cursed and that he has to go to Australia because that's where the numbers are from. His mother claims she has a surefire method to prove that he is not cursed. She leads him into the living room, where his long-lost Cheech is already making cracks about Hurley's weight. Apparently his mother thinks that the return of the money-grubbing deadbeat dad who ran off 17 years ago will prove to Hurley that he is a lucky lucky guy. I don't get the logic, but I am admittedly not a middle-aged Latina housewife. For the record, Hurley also looks unconvinced.

Jin and Hurley are staring at the van. The good news is that they know where the arm came from. The bad news is that there is a body decomposing in the front seat of their hot new ride. Hurley reads the nametag off the guy's Dharma Initiative jumpsuit and offers his condolences to Roger. 'Cause he's dead. And looks just like the mummy at Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe in Seattle. Maybe the props department borrowed it? Anyway, Jin calls Hurley's attention to the fact that the van is stocked with beer. Light beer. Hurley drools a little. Jin pantomimes that he wants to take Roger out of the van and then turn the van upright. Hurley yells that he understands, because I guess after forty-plus days together and countless conversations, Hurley has suddenly realized that Jin does not speak English. Anyway, they take Roger out of the van, losing his head in the process. D'oh!

Charlie accosts Desmond on the beach and demands to know when he is going to die. He has a right to know! He should totally sue Desmond to enforce that right. Desmond is trying to defend himself when Sawyer barges up and demands to know the whereabouts of his porn stash. You would think he would be the least horny man on the island with all the nookie he's gotten. Desmond and Charlie apologize for drinking his scotch, and Sawyer wants to know who else was involved. Cut to Hurley and Jin using branches to lever the van upright. Vincent is there too, probably looking for more "treats." Bad dog. Sawyer barrels in and accosts Hurley about the whereabouts of his stash. Okay, one thing has been bothering me about this van thing, and Sawyer's sudden appearance is forcing me to ask -- is the van, like, twenty yards from the beach? And if so, why did it take so long to run across it? They've been trucking around this island for close to two months looking for means of survival and clues to mysteries, and no one noticed a van? Anyway, Hurley bum-rushes Sawyer because he is so happy he is alive to come yell at him about stupid crap. To his credit, Sawyer looks a little sappy and hugs Hurley back, turning to Jin also for a quick man hug (pat pat on the back and away!). Jin uses his new English skills to tell Sawyer he is happy to see him. Sawyer points out that Jin is hooked on phonics. Hee hee! Hurley asks about Jack and Kate, and Sawyer informs him that Jack is still being held. Hurley is unperturbed, because Jack is going to be okay. They are all going to be okay. Sawyer's return is a sign. Why? Hurley is convinced that the van is a magic van that will take all their problems away. He knows this because the van has beer. Light beer. Dharma Initiative Light Beer. Who wouldn't be thrilled at the prospect? And seriously, of all the things you might wish for as a Lostaway, a broken-down rusted hippie van is probably pretty much in the same category as more sand and a nice ripe mango.

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