Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B | 3 USERS: A
I Wanna Touch You Outback
Commercials and credits. Jack's cleaning up a cut on Charlie's side and discussing the boars with Kate and Sayid. They all agree they need to get rid of the bodies; Sayid points out that burying the more than twenty corpses would be difficult without a shovel. Jack says they need to burn them. Sayid and Kate seem put out by that idea, Sayid in particular feeling the bodies deserve better than that. "I know this seems harsh, but that fuselage in the sun..." Jack says. "It's not about what they deserve." Sayid points out that many of those people may have had religious objections to being burned. Well, sure, and I bet they had practical objections to being mangled in a plane crash, too. "We don't have time to sort out everybody's God," Jack says. "Really?" Charlie cracks. "Last I heard, we were positively made of time." Jack insists, "Tomorrow morning, get everyone to collect up wood, dry brush. We're going to turn that fuselage into a furnace." He says they'll burn it the next night. Charlie wonders why they're waiting until sundown to burn the bodies, and Kate points out that Jack's hoping someone will see the fire. This scene proves that you can come to agreement much faster in conversation than you can on an internet message board.

Morning. Sayid's going all Mr. Wizard on some cell phone guts. "There are better things to do with my time than collect firewood," he says to Kate. "You don't agree with Jack," she says, and he doesn't answer. She asks what he's making, and he says it's too soon to talk about, though soon he's explaining that he's trying to triangulate the position of the S.O.S. of Doooooooooooom transmitter, on the grounds that there should be a power source there. He is so totally trying to impress Kate Beckinsale with his knowledge of gadgetry. Kate asks what she can do to help. Sayid says, "Placeholder dialogue."

Locke opens up some kind of steel box, which we already know from last week's previews is full of knives. Walt wants to check it out, but Mercutio holds him back. "I'm sure Mr. Locke doesn't want a kid hanging around him all day anyway," he points out. "At least he talks to me," Walt says, and stomps off. Uh, kid, didn't your dad just find your dog? Shouldn't the magic from that have lasted a little bit longer? I mean, I know Locke actually did it, but Walt doesn't know that.

Sawyer and Hurley are tussling on the beach. In Greco-Roman, I'd give the edge to Sawyer; in sumo, to Hurley. In Incongruous Insults, I guess Sawyer gets the nod. In the middle of this shoving match, for example, Sawyer shouts, "I'm peachy, pork pie." Then Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity tells them to break it up, and Sawyer yells, "Stay out of this, metro!" Huh? Maybe Sawyer's a time traveler who came to the island from the summer of 2003, back when the term "metrosexual" was not already totally stupid. Sometimes I think the writers try a little too hard to make Sawyer edgy and cool. As one poster put it on the boards, "Did Sawyer win a nicknaming contest at the state fair?" Jack wades in and breaks it up, determining that they were fighting over, literally, peanuts. This scene makes me want to fly Oh Shit, The Plane Is Crashing Airlines, LLC, because I'm sick of getting fed rock-hard pretzels on every flight I take just because some kid's nut allergy might make him swell up like Violet Beauregarde. Hurley reveals that they're out of food, which makes the extras in the picture look concerned while other voices are ADRed in expressing that concern. This way, the show doesn't have to pay extras for speaking parts. Chintzy!

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