Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B | 3 USERS: A
I Wanna Touch You Outback
Locke has chased the boar into a little clearing when he's stopped short by the Iron Giant. (So's the boar, by the way. Wham!) He stares up as something big parts the branches above him and roars. No, you don't get to see anything. Nothing but a bunch of commercials.

Midsection Beach. Sawyer shame-facedly hands Claire a bunch of wallets he looted from the fuselage. Dollars to doughnuts those wallets have been stripped of condoms. Meanwhile, Walt asks Sun what the little green plant she's tending to is for. She plucks off a leaf and demonstrates brushing her teeth. "I get it, it's like toothpaste," Walt says, and then she teaches him, for some reason, the Korean word for "nuts." At least according to my friend Denny, who speaks Korean. Walt sees his dad and Kate returning from the hunt and runs to them, very impressed by his dad's wound. "Does it hurt?" he asks, and his dad assures him, in an extremely pained voice, that it barely hurts at all. "So it was like a boar fight?" an excited Walt asks. Awww. "Not so much a fight," says Mercutio. "More like, you know, me getting gorged [sic]." Uh, en-gorged, maybe, when Kate climbed that tree. "Where's Mr. Locke?" Walt asks.

Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity tells Shannon the hunt didn't go well. "That bald guy never came back." "He didn't bring back any food at all?" Shannon asks. "Did you hear what I just said? Somebody might've died out there," her brother admonishes. Charlie shows up, waving a tasty-looking fish and rattling on about how you have to get into the mind of a fish, corner the fish, trap the fish, blah blah fishcakes. Hopefully he didn't catch a poisonous reef fish. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity and Shannon get in a big argument about how he can't believe Shannon used Charlie just to prove she can fend for herself. Charlie looks a little too crestfallen for my taste; if he's really been in a rock band, surely he's seen people treated worse than this before, yes? I just think this scene makes Charlie seem ten years old, and we know he could be as old as eleventy-one. "That's low, Shannon, even for you," says Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity, to which Shannon retorts, "Oh, go rescue a baby bird or something." Awesome. Best character ever!

Broody Beach. Jack tells Rose about the memorial ceremony, and she agrees she'd like to be there for that. He helps her up, looking happy to have finally made some progress with her. He suggests that perhaps she might want to say something about Bernard. "My husband is not dead," Rose retorts. Whoops! One step forward, two steps back. Jack says that everyone who was in the tail section of the plane is dead. "They're probably thinking the same thing about us," Rose says. As she walks away, Jack sees, far away, a guy in a suit standing under a tree. But when he looks again, the guy in the suit is gone.

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