Lost

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We’re Very Close To The End, Hugo
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!
Per Sir Elton John, Sorry seems to be the hardest word, but this week, Lost fans know it's goodbye that knifes you in the chest before you even get the chance to speak. It's sad, so sad -- it's a sad, sad situation, and it's getting more and more absurd. As I re-watched (and re-watched, and re-watched) "What They Died For" I came to realize it's not just Jack who's getting yummier. Our characters grow greasier, grimier, and grimmer by the minute, yet they have never been so beautiful. Yes, I realize if you stuck a tap in my trunk tonight, your pancakes would be swimming in syrup by morning, so I'll get to it. You ready? Okay.

Previously on Lost, Faucke tricks our fair heroes into blowing Widmore's submarine (which they are occupying at the time!) to kingdom come. Sayid dies; Jin and Sun, too. Frank is missing and presumed dead. Our fab four, Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Hurley wash back up on the shores of Craphole, quite worse for the wear. Jack stares out at the ocean until the Jears flow like rain. And now...

Sideways: We open on Jack's right eye. It flutters as he wakes, but here, Jack's eyes aren't quite green or blue, just washed out. His home, his life, his world is neither black nor white. Everything is beige -- like spent grass during the dog days of summer. The most conspicuously absent color is that which saturates every aspect of life in the Islandways: green, so when Jack enters the bathroom to perform his morning ablutions, his mouthwash catches the eye. It's contained by a bottle, and if you take out the cork off the cover, minty freshness will escape and spread throughout the Sideways. Do it, Jack. Do it. He can't.

As soon as the water is on, he's shutting it off again, to take a long hard look at the vision of loveliness staring him in the face: his reflection. It's a standard bathroom mirror, not a 3-way, so fate, coincidence, magic, science, Jacob or God gives Jack a little push. The unexplained neck nick he discovered in the Sideways Oceanic 815 lavatory mirror starts to bleed, again. As Jack dabs at it, he's greeted by his cheerful, well-adjusted blue-eyed boy, David. "I made breakfast."

As Jack travels from the kitchen to the dining room, he quips that opening a box of cereal isn't exactly "making" breakfast, but David takes the ribbing in stride. The boy reminds Jack he's in a concert, tonight; his (mystery) mom will be there, so he implores Jack not to get "all weird." Jack is well acquainted with the soul-sucking experience of parenting an adolescent, so he's chill. As he and his Mini-Me smile at each other, Claire joins them at the family table. The Squires Shephard are so chivalrous -- so solicitous -- as they jump up to their feet to get her situated. When David asks his newfound auntie if she'd like cereal, I yell, "No. Toast with peanut butter," but apparently "Super Bran" is all that's on the menu today, because it's time to shit or get off the pot. Toward that end, Jack gets a call from someone claiming to be from Oceanic Airlines. The caller says Oceanic has located Jack's missing cargo (aka Christian's rotting corpse) and it will be arriving in Los Angeles by day's end. When they hang up, we see that Jack's mystery caller is actually Desmond.

Islandways; Beach: Jack pulls a standard black thread from what could be a t-shirt, but I swear is a pair of boxer briefs. Kate fights back tears, gasps, grasps his arm, and probably counts to five in her head as he does the best he can do to stitch her up. The Widmoron bullet went straight through, but they must guard against infection. How would Kate act were she to be infected? Would she settle on one fella and stop running? Not to go all Rolling Stones on you Jack, but maybe you should let it bleed. Kate tells Jack about Sun and Jin's daugther, Ji Yeon, like he wasn't back on the mainland for three years himself, but her point? "Locke did this to them. We have to kill him, Jack." Jack nods. "I know." Look at the grey in his beard. I said look; don't touch! Title card.

Theme Song!

Sawyer stands at the shoreline, watching the tide carry in debris from the Widmore submarine, including lifejackets -- devoid of life. Soon, he's flanked by Hurley and Kate, who lays her head on Sawyer's slopey shoulder. Jack joins them and they continue their moment of silence -- the only memorial our dearly departed will receive tonight. Jack's benediction is a sigh. And then: "We should get going now." Hurley asks Jack, "Go where?" Jack: "Before Sayid died, he said that Desmond was in a well. If Locke wants Desmond dead, then we're going to need him." Sawyer puts on his game face. Jack nods at him and leads the tiny band of true Jacobites to their destiny.

Sideways: Des sits in his car outside Locke's school. Since Locke has returned to work, Des is back to stalking him. Once his prey wheels away from his van, Desmond starts his car, but before he can aim at the poor bastard again, Dr. Ben Linus runs up and bangs on the hood. "Hey, don't you dare!" He looks around and yells to anyone who'll listen: "It's him! The guy who hit Mr. Locke. Someone call the police, right now." Des hops out of the car to confront Ben, who just won't shut his mouth. "I saw what you did. I'm making a citizen's arrest." Yeah, good luck with that, Ben. Desmond punches Ben in the nose and slams him down on the hood of the car, but Ben won't shut up. "I will not let you hurt Mr. Locke, again." Des: "I'm not here to hurt him. I'm here to help him let go." Ben asks: "Who are you?" Desmond: "You want to know who I am?" He winds up and pummels Ben until he gets a vision of the first time a then puffy-haired special snowflake beat him up, at the Long Beach Marina. Once Desmond is satisfied, he tosses Ben to the ground and screeches away. Reportedly, Henry Ian Cusick actually blackened Michael Emerson's eye in this scene. I have to work very hard to separate the lovely and talented Emerson from the weasely Linus, so that I don't cheer at the thought.

Islandways; Jungle: Ben leads Miles (!) and Richard back toward New Otherton. When Miles doesn't recognize the path they're taking, Ben snips that he lived in the barracks for a long time. "I think I can remember how to get there." Miles: "Well, I lived in these houses thirty years before you did -- otherwise known as last week." Heh. Richard interrupts the bickering to inquire as to whether Ben has enough explosives to blow up the plane and whether it's still where he left it. Ben: "It's C4, Richard. I put some thought into hiding it." Miles: "Lemme guess. Cookie jar?" Ben (dryly): "Don't be ridiculous." A beat. "It's in my secret room, behind the bookcase." Okay, in the Sawyer/Miles cop-buddy show, I want Ben to be their regular informant. Y'hear, Hollywood? So mote it be.

As they enter New Otherto

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