Lost

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We’re Very Close To The End, Hugo
hair." Wooo!

Islandways; Jacob's Ash: Jacob brought the Losties to the island because he made a mistake. You think turning your brother into a smoke monster was a bad move, J? Huh. Anyhow, if they don't do something about it, everybody will die and suck and whatnot. Sawyer's the first to bitch. "Tell me something, Jacob. Why do I gotta be punished for your mistake? What made you think you could mess with my life? I was doin' just fine 'til you dragged my ass to this damn rock." I laugh so hard I have to rewind to hear Jacob's answer. "No, you weren't. None of you were. I didn't pluck any of you out of a happy existence. You were all flawed. I chose you because you were like me. You were all alone. You were all looking for something that you couldn't find out there. I chose you because you needed this place as much as it needed you." Now, I'm seeing people question his wording here. I think it's just clunky. I don't think he means to imply that everyone else isn't flawed. Humans are inherently flawed and Jacob must know that by now. I think he just means they were flawed like he is -- you know? He sees his own flaws reflected, if you will, in them. Whatevs. They needed the island as much as it needs them.

Kate's still looking for the massage. "Why did you cross my name off your wall?" Jacob explains that he only did that once she became a mother. "It's just a line of a chalk in a cave. The job is yours if you want it, Kate." Her face is ready to run right off her fool head. When Jack asks what the job entails, Jacob whips out his Blackberry and e-mails Human Resources to get a copy of the posting. Ever since Mother died, things have run so inefficiently. Basically, he needs someone to guard the island's hooha light from Faucke. Personally, I think Sawyer's the best man for the job. He's been cock-blocking Jack for years. Jacob explains that they must do what he isn't able to. Jack: "You want us to kill him? Is that even possible?" Jacob: "I hope so, because he is certainly going to try to kill you." Hurley wants to know how they're going to pick, but Jacob says that because he was never given a choice, he's leaving it up to them. If none of them volunteers though, then this ends badly. Jack volunteers, awing Hurley, melting Kate's panties, and giving Sawyer one last reason to look at Jack with a mixture of envy and contempt. Commercial.

By torchlight, Jacob leads Jack down to a stream. Across the way, Sawyer cracks: "And I thought that guy had a God complex before." Kate shushes him: "James." Sawyer: "Yeah. I know." Hurley: "I'm just glad it's not me." He means that a solid 99.9%. Meanwhile, Jacob asks Jack if he remembers the bamboo field in which he woke up, when Oceanic 815 first crashed on the island. How could he forget? Jacob: "Beyond that field, across the ridge, is the heart of the island. That's where the light is. That's where he's trying to go. And that's what you have to protect." Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. Jack protests that there's nothing out there. Jacob corrects him. "Yes there is, Jack, and now you'll be able to get there." He crouches, plants his torch, and then asks if Jack has a cup. Jack just happens to, even though he must have Faucke's backpack, rather than his own. Jacob then prepares the Eucharist, with water, instead of wine, so he must be LDS. Jack: "How long am I going to have to do this job?" Jacob: "As long as you can." Once the ritual is complete, Jack is visibly enlightened, but his right eye goes completely dark for a moment. It's then that Jacob smiles and approaches him. "Now you're like me." On the other bank, Sawyer, Kate and Hurley watch in silence.

Sideways: It's time to move Kate, Sayid and Des to the county lock-up. Kate pleads her innocence to -- and otherwise works her wiles on -- Ford, but he resists and tells his detainees, "Vaya con dios." Telling him he doesn't seem like a cop is probably not the way to go, Katie, since in this reality, James has already come to the realization that he was either going to end up a cop or a crook. Some people aren't so choosy, though, and Ana-Lucia is one of them. She's also their paddy-wagon driver. After Desmond elicits promises from Kate and Sayid to do him a favor (they do so laughingly, quite sure our Sexy Scot is batshit insane) he tells them they're making a break for it. They laugh at him, indulgently. And then, to Sayid and Kate's utter surprise, Ana promptly pulls over the truck and releases the detainees down by the waterfront right after Mr. Hugo Reyes, millionaire, pays her off to the tune of $125K. Hugo, of course, recognizes her. "Oh hey, you didn't tell me Ana-Lucia was going to be here." Ana: "Do I know you, tubby?" Shut up, murderess. Hurley asks Des if she's coming with. Des wisely sums it up: "No, she's not ready yet." Thank goodness. She still sets my teeth right on edge. Des sends Sayid with Hurley in the yellow Hummer, and takes Kate with him in the classic red Camaro. She's to be his date to a concert, that night. He's even got a slinky black dress -- for her, you guys. Sheesh. Again, no time for a real sidebar, but this must be the concert at which David Shephard is playing. My question is -- just how wonky is the Sideways timeline? Have things changed so much that it's also Daniel Faraday's classical music/rock melange? And is Daniel Faraday David Shephard's teacher? I hope so. I think so. Now I've just got to fret about whether or not Jack will make it, or if he'll be picking up a moldering Christian at LAX.

Islandways: As Ben follows Faucke through the jungle he asks why he bothers walking, since he can just turn himself to smoke. Faucke: "I like the feeling of my feet on the ground. It reminds me of when I was human" and, no doubt helps you figure out how the pesky humans work and think. When they arrive at Desmond's well, it's empty. Ben: "Looks like someone helped him out." Faucke: "No, Ben. Someone helped me out." Ben asks what Charles told him. Faucke: "He said Desmond was a fail-safe -- Jacob's last resort in case, God forbid, I managed to kill all his beloved candidates -- one final way to make sure that I never leave this place." Ben: "Then why are you happy that he's still alive?" Faucke: "Because I'm going to find Desmond, and when I do, he's going to help me do the one thing I could never do myself. I'm going to destroy the island." Dun. Bad robot!

I wonder how that will play with Ben. Faucke got him to go along on the promise that once he was gone, Ben would be the Emperor of Ice Cream. It's interesting that we didn't get a reaction shot. Again, speculating at this point is a fool's game and I just can't rev myself up for it. I'm feeling too melancholy tonight. I'm signing off, sending this into editorial, and then sitting down to watch a new episode of Lost for the very last time. I'll just add this one morsel for thought: what if the Losties have to die together and/or what if they have to stop pushing the button (in this case, the button that Jacob and CJ have been pushing for thousands of years). I'll see you in another life, brothahs, or at least in the final recap. Namaste.

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Lost

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