Dharmaville House Arrest House: Juliet storms in and asks Miles and Hurley where Jack is. Hurley asks if he's in trouble. Hee. Miles says he's in the shower. That doesn't stop Juliet. She's got to hold up her side of the love rectangle. She's so fierce when she asks Hugo and Miles if they'd mind giving them some privacy that they run away like scared little rabbits, even though Miles has a gun. And I say that was a good choice. As they walk out the door, Miles tells Hurley to ask him some more questions about time travel, because he wants to make sure I keep thinking about him, even when he's off screen.

Jack's just getting out of the shower when Juliet busts in on him. He's not particularly shy about his body, so he just stands there all wet and dripping. And nekkid. I go peek in my medicine cabinet, but the wee Jack who lives there is still sound asleep in our box of cotton balls, and fully dressed. Sigh. [You live some bizarre, Indian in the Cupboard type of existence, don't you, Cindy? - Z] TV Juliet tells TV Jack that she needed him, which is one of those things you're probably better off not saying to a naked man, unless you want him to get ideas. Jack's shower must have been on the cool side, because all he says is: "Excuse me?" Juliet whines about how the kid was bleeding out. Jack whines about how "the kid" is their tormentor, Ben Linus. Juliet whines about how he's just a kid. Jack whines that he can't help her. Juliet whines that she's not asking for his help. I whine about the necessity of this scene. So Juliet cuts to the chase. She's just there to be a Cindy tattle-tale. "It's up to Sawyer and Kate now. [...] She's trying to save him, and I sent James after her to help, because they actually care." She doesn't say, FOR EACH OTHER because she's Cleopatra, floating down de Nile, but if you listen closely, you'll hear the SKaters, or is that just more jungle whispering, and which is more menacing, anyhow?

Jack's had it. "I came back here because I care, Juliet. I came back here because I was trying to save you." Juliet yells that they didn't need saving. "We've been fine here, for three years." Is the show's failure to create a straight-forward discussion between the Strand-aways and the Returnees driving anyone else to distraction? I mean, I was tempted to rant at Juliet, but Jack, Kate and Hurley haven't exactly explained why they chose to come back after all this time, and that Locke was all, "IF YOU DON'T, EVERYONE DIES!" Of course, maybe I will rant at Juliet, because she knows darned well what things were like before Locke left and why Locke left. Juliet, girl, you (and Sawyer, and Miles, and Jin) could at least extend your "friends" the courtesy of asking why they returned before getting your knickers in a twist about said return. Sheesh. She doesn't listen. She's still busy whining. She looks at Jack and her eyes fill with tears. "You came back for you." And you know what kills me the most? Jack looks chagrined -- as though he's been convicted by her accusations. I'm not saying there's no truth in them -- particularly for Jack, who had nothing going on back home but a nasty addiction and an even nastier beard, but I do think he and all the other Returnees (except Ben and Sayid) came back thinking they could help. Oh someone shoot me, she's not done. "At least do me the courtesy of telling me why." Poor Jack says, "I came back because I was supposed to." Juliet tries to feed him his lines and end my misery. "Supposed to do what?" Jack says he doesn't know yet. And they look like they're going to make out until Juliet adds, "Well, you'd better figure it out." She walks out, and I bang my head against the desk to distract myself from the painful ways of TV writers, who refuse to let a character give a straight answer. Then I go open my medicine cabinet and flick the cotton ball box, just because I can. We cut to...