Love Cruise
Dirty Dancing

Episode Report Card
Kim: A | Grade It Now!
Dirty Dancing

While everyone else goes swimming, Tomiko and Adrian work on their salsa moves. They look pretty good, but Adrian really needs to stop with that hand motion. It's bugging me. They jokingly high-five each other at the end.

The captain announces that they have ten minutes until they are supposed to get off the boat. Laura is wearing a cutout black catsuit, and frankly, she has the body for it. Laura asks Tony whether he's going to wear a red boa, and she tries it on. Tony is also wearing a silver shirt. He's either very comfortable with his masculinity, or gay. Laura and Tony sneak into Laura's cabin. Tony asks Laura for a kiss, and Laura kisses him. As they head to the competition, Laura voice-overs that she didn't want Anthony to know about the kiss, since she and Tony were both partnered with other people. In an interview, Tony realizes that he's only known Laura for four hours, but that he thinks he might like her. Then he wipes tears from his face. Why is he crying? He is so weird.

On Margarita Island, Justin announces to the locals that this is a salsa compeition. The couples have to dance for thirty minutes, and the locals will vote for them with fake dollars. The winning couples get the two envelopes, one of which contains the switch card. Justin introduces each couple. Just as a reminder, I'll list them here.

  • Ralph and Andrea
  • Toni and Greg
  • Lisa and Tony
  • Laura and Anthony
  • Melissa (whose boobs are popping out of her dress) and Darin
  • Tomiko and Adrian

Michael and Jeanette have decided to forfeit the competition. Probably a smart move on Michael's part. The music starts up, and everything goes pretty smoothly at first. Tony is still doing the polka. In an interview, Adrian says that Tomiko is competitive, and that they were like the wonder twins. Tony is just jumping up and down and not dancing at all. Laura shakes her ass. They show Anthony and Laura in fast motion, as Anthony picks Laura up and spins her around. Tony tries to do the same with Lisa, but his face is so red that I worry he's going to have a heart attack. Everyone is sweating profusely after dancing for thirty minutes. Tony goes from unbuttoning his shirt to removing his shirt entirely. Tony grabs a local and kisses her. He is insane and scary. Okay, now Tony is dripping sweat. He looks like someone just poured a bucket of water over his head. I really hope that's what happened, and that it's not really sweat. Because it's gross. Next, Tony does that Vanilla Ice move where you grab one ankle and kind of act like you're running in place. Oh, my God. Please tell me he is drunk. Words fail me. He's never getting laid again after this airs. I officially take back all of my gay speculation about Tony, because only a straight man could dance that poorly. Some dude tries to slip money in the back of Tomiko's skirt, but she grabs the cash instead. Locals stuff fake money into the various voting boxes, and in some cases give the money directly to the dancers.

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Love Cruise




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