Love Cruise
Garbage And Goats

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Garbage And Goats

The contestants sit on the deck in their pajamas as Justin welcomes them to the third round of the Hot Seat. Anthony has on the cheesiest fucking smoking jacket, as if there is such a thing as a cool smoking jacket. No one looks cool in a smoking jacket. Name one person. ["Well, Ren from Ren & Stimpy, but he's not a person." -- Wing Chun] No, not Hugh Hefner. No one. Also, Anthony is all Smirky McSmuggerson. And he has so much wax in his hair that after the Hot Seat, the crew is going to take him up top and use his head to polish the deck. Meanwhile, I went to the zoo today, and I think Adrian stole one of the lemurs there, killed it, and wrapped it around his forehead. There's really no other explanation. Justin explains the Hot Seat. Blah blah blah questions submitted blah blah blah honest answers blah blah blah BS paddles blah blah blah Balls of Shamecakes. The only good thing about that explanation was that Justin actually said, "I will rotate the Balls of Shame." That's like a line in a porno flick.

First in the Hot Seat is Toni. She is asked what her attraction to Greg is, and whether it's more than physical. Toni says that Greg is "a hottie," and that he was quiet in the beginning, but now she sees that he has more to offer. Toni thinks that Greg is protective, which is fine, but that she likes him more the more she gets to know him. I thought that was a valid answer, but everyone gives her the BS paddles anyway. Toni's all, "Oh, I was...okay, I'll do a dare." Like don't kill yourself with the protesting or anything, Toni.

Toni's dare is to perform a striptease to music. Toni tries to pretend she doesn't want to, but you know she totally does. Anthony sleazes that Toni needs someone to strip for, and Greg volunteers. Toni is wearing a long red silky negligee with a coat over it. She takes off the coat and puts it around Greg's neck, then does a shimmy and kisses him. That's it? They played it in slow motion to make it seem sexier, but it was totally not sexy. But maybe that's because I'm not a dude. And Toni kind of is. Also, her arms are jacked! Damn. Lisa stares a little too intently. I notice she does that every time there is a dare involving sex. Which is every dare on this show.

Tomiko is called up to the Hot Seat next. She gets asked Jeanette's question about the male chauvinist pig pulling the wool over her eyes. Adrian doesn't really react, and Anthony's all, "Wow!" in a really exaggerated fashion, like why doesn't he just stand up and yell, "Please put the cameras on meee! MEEEE!" Tomiko is confused by the question, and thinks that it is unfair. Anthony wants to vote to kill the question, because it has nothing to do with him, and thus he is uninterested. If I were Justin, I would tell Anthony that they could dump the question if Anthony can give them a poem instead. Jeanette admits that she wrote the question and tries to explain it. It was a pretty dumb question. It could have been phrased better. Like without using terminology from Gloria Steinem's day, which was before Tomiko was born. Jeanette pretends that everyone else was behind her, but that now they are all deserting her. Tomiko makes excuses for a very pissed-looking Adrian, saying that sometimes he speaks before he thinks, but that when you let him explain, you can understand where he's coming from. Yeah, he explained himself really well with that speech in the last episode. Jeanette says that she doesn't know Adrian that well, but that she's heard a lot of comments from him. Tomiko says that other people have made comments, too. I don't really know what Jeanette's purpose was with that question. Was she trying to make Adrian look bad, or Tomiko? Because it didn't work either way. I don't think Jeanette is very good with the strategery. Justin dismisses Tomiko, after everyone agrees that she was honest, and ends the game. That's it? Why didn't Adrian gets asked the deadbeat dad question?

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Love Cruise

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