Love in the Wild
Nine Couples

Episode Report Card
Kim: D | Grade It Now!
A Bridge Too Far

Vanessa and Steele are bickering and lost. And they're tied together. Vanessa chooses to see the tethers as a metaphor for their relationship or some bullshit. Jason and Erica are also not doing well. Jason won't stop talking. He's babbling about tetherball and I get why that would be annoying when she's trying to think and concentrate one where they're going. So she yells at him to shut up and they're pretty much done. Luckily, they get to the finish line sixth.

Miles and Heather's love does not prevail, as they find the tether in the bat cave on their FOURTH pass, and end up seventh. Scaredy cat Derek and bitchy Jessica don't see a tether right in front of their faces for the longest time, but finally do see it. Steele and Vanessa have all theirs too, and it's a footrace. Steele pretty much throws Vanessa across the finish line, so they are eighth and Derek and Jessica are last. Jessica thinks that she still has connections to make, so she doesn't want to leave. She better blow someone behind a bush or something, because she's on the way out. Come on, you know she thought about it. What, I'm the weirdo now?

Adam and Kym head to Midnight at the Oasis. Meanwhile, the other couples head to their cabins. Jason and Erica discuss how they annoy one another. Well, Erica says that and Jason looks hurt. Meanwhile, Miles sets up a picnic for Heather. Miles reminds me of Matt Saracen, so I kind of love him.

Are Ben and Brandee getting along yet? Well, he tells her that, out of everyone there, she annoys him the least. She at least recognizes that it's a backhanded compliment. Then Ben says that he's like an abusive husband, except with words. That's called verbally abusive, and you are. In her interview, she says that she doesn't know if she'll switch partners. Y'all, she's a mental health professional. And she might stick with Ben? I guess the devil you know and all that?

Adam and Kym are having dinner at the Oasis. Adam definitely wants kids and owns a cat. Kym doesn't want kids ever and has a Yorkie. She's one of those. She has a little dog, and she probably carries it in her purse. I saw a lady at the zoo the other day with a purse dog. At THE ZOO. Why would you bring your dog to the zoo? I hope a lion ate it. And maybe the lady too. Anyway, Adam thinks that things are going great and Kym is like, "Weird beard, please."

Erica is so annoyed by Jason that she packs up her shit and sleeps on a chaise lounge by the pool. Damn. Meanwhile, Derek and Jess (the two fraidy-cats who were partnered with other people) are bonding in the hammock. Imagine if they had to complete the last leg together? They'd still be out on that bridge, crying and wetting themselves.

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Love in the Wild




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