Love in the Wild
Seven Couples

Episode Report Card
Kim: D | 1 USERS: A+
Romantic Spelunking

Derek and Jess's horse won't cross the river, so Derek hops on and Jess walks. My dreams come true! Jason and Jessica are trying to cross the river. The horse won't go and Jessica is scared so Jason tries to walk the horse across. Except the horse wants to go! And Jason isn't ready! So the horse runs across the river alone. I get the feeling that the horses know the way and the people are holding them back. Anyway, as we go to commercial, Jason and Jessica are looking pissed and the horse is running around on the other shore like "WHEEEEEEEE! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I love that horse. That horse should punch Jason.

Ben and Brandee are headed up the trail when a lone horse catches up to them. For a second, they're like, "I hope Jessica didn't get thrown from her horse," and then they're like, "Not our problem." Which it's not. But this furthers my theory that the horses totally know where they're going -- they probably travel this route every day. Jason and Jessica finally catch up to their horse and Jessica tells Jason that she hates him. She's a little nicer than that, but not much. And then they get passed by Samantha and Mike, which only adds insult to injury.

Derek and Jess come in first and take off for their night at the Oasis (again) and a romantic fishing trip. Those three words don't seem like they belong together. Fish are smelly. That's not romantic. Meanwhile, Steele and Erica know they are going to come in last, so they start talking about how they can both manage to stay in the game and end up back together. Steele is using his brain though it may be!

Ben and Brandee end up in second place, and Miles and Heather end up in third. Mike and Samantha come in fourth and Jason and Jessica come in fifth and then Skip and Theresa (who and who?) come in sixth. Jason and Jessica tell Darren that they had a terrible time and then in a joint interview Jessica says, "I think I would do better with someone else." And Jason just has this look on his face like, "THIS bitch." Well, at least if he hates her, he won't get his heart broken. Skip and Theresa whatever. Steele and Erica, of course, walk right by the bar at first and admit that they need to get someone else to choose each of them if they have any hope of staying.

That night, Mike and Samantha discuss how Derek might pick her and break them up. Meanwhile, at the Oasis, Jess is trying to talk to Derek and he's being totally short with her and condescending and just dick-ish. Back at the cabins, Jason sits down for dinner with Ben and Brandee and starts venting about how terrible his day was. In an interview, he talks about how he's opened himself up to three different women, and they've all rejected him. And then he CRIES. Oh, Lord. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a dude crying, but maybe he should get some self-esteem and realize that it's the women who are awful and he's fine. Jess wants to get with Steele but it's kind of out of her control.

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Love in the Wild




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