Love in the Wild
Three Couples

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Papa Loves Mambo

Mike and Samantha get to the boat first. Mike dives down for the map while Samantha gets a paddle board and drops it into the water. They quickly jump onto the board and take off in an awkward position. Mike is sitting straddling the paddle board, rowing, while Samantha lies on her stomach facing away from him. It just looks sexual, is what I'm saying. Skip and Theresa are next, and Theresa's bottom needs to be blurred because of a swimsuit malfunction. I don't think her bikini was meant for swimming. It was meant for sitting poolside and maybe, once in a while, walking to the snack bar for another Tab.

Heather dives down to get the map and Miles and Heather are quickly on their board as well. For some unknown reason, Mike decides to stand up and paddle, and almost immediately falls off. Skip wisely stays seated so he and Theresa pull ahead and get the first bag of coins. Miles and Heather are in dead last, and Miles is almost dead. He can't even lift his head up while trying to paddle.

Skip and Theresa reach the second bag first also. I appreciate that every time they get a bag of coins, the crack editors put a "ka-ching" sound effect in, for that video game effect. They quickly get their third bag; Samantha and Mike are struggling and Mike conks Samantha in the head with the paddle. Ouch. I was in a restaurant the other day for breakfast with my family, and I bent down to pick up the food that my kids had tossed on the floor because I'm not an animal, and I bonked my head REALLY hard on the back of a chair. It seriously still hurts four days later. So I would imagine getting hit with a massive paddle would cause some damage. I would at least curse a lot. When I hit my head, I was with my kids in public, so I had to restrict myself to "Holy Hannah in a handbasket" which is fun to say but not really satisfying. Anyway, Skip keeps bragging in interviews about how he was sure they were going to come in first, and they were doing really awesome, but he says it all in the past tense because apparently the interviewers haven't learned to make him talk in the present tense like every other reality show, so you know that they didn't come in first. Or perhaps Skip never got the hang of that, "I feel really psyched because we're winning by a lot" oddly constructed interview-speak, and that's why he's not featured on the show much.

So Skip and Theresa have the three bags that were in the water, and now they are heading to dry land to find the remaining two. Well, not exactly dry land. More like a bay, where there's an old pier, and they have to use a mask to find the fourth bag of coins, which is tied to a post underwater. They find it pretty quickly and get the fourth bag, still in the lead. Miles and Heather, in last place, are scheming how to pass Mike and Samantha. But uh oh! Skip and Theresa lost a bag of coins. So they have to retrace their steps to try to find it. Mike and Samantha find the fourth bag and head out. Miles and Heather struggle to untie their fourth bag, and Miles ditches his lifevest and gets to work, explaining that he doesn't have a problem with diving, just swimming long distances. Meanwhile, Skip and Theresa are still searching for their missing bag, which an enterprising cameraman reveals is on the path, near a log. It looks awfully placed, I have to say. It does not look like it was dropped. I wonder if they lost it in the water and production moved it. How dare I doubt the integrity of this show that no one watches!

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Love in the Wild

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