Low Winter Sun
Pilot

Episode Report Card
62 USERS: B+
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Welcome to Detroit! Try Not to Die.

Together, Frank and the guy I'm still calling Morgan head into the dining room, which is empty except for one man passed out at his table and another man who seems to be the owner. They've been having this whole conspiratorial talk where people could walk in on them at any moment? Morgan offers to lock up for the night after they get their buddy sobered up. The owner seems grateful to hand off the keys and leaves the men to their labors.

"Wake up, Brendan," they say to the guy at the table. Brendan stumbles, offers a feeble protest, and then agrees to let them help him. "Big day tomorrow," he says. Frank tries to help Brendan into his coat, but he starts flailing around. "Rats! Rats are everywhere! Get 'em off me!" They wrestle him into submission, and then lead him into the kitchen. Brendan makes the mistake of saying he wants a piece of Frank's piece of ass, which means he's either a necrophiliac or too drunk to remember past-tense verbs. Or maybe Frank's piece of ass is not actually dead. Frank doesn't think like a gross/nitpicky recapper, though, and drags Brendan over to a sink full of water. They shove his head in and hold him down as he struggles, realizing too late what his buddies have planned for him. Frank decides drowning isn't enough, so he starts punching Brendan in the back of the head. Morgan has to remind him they don't want to leave marks. Brendan continues to fight for a few moments more, then it's all over, and his killers are left staring at each other in the awkward, post-murdering silence.

Frank drives through dark, rain-slick streets, pausing to glance at himself in the rear-view mirror. By the time he meets up with Morgan at the river, the sun appears to be making a halfhearted attempt at rising. Morgan gets out of a second car, slides into Frank's. "What could screw us up?" Morgan asks. "I don't know," Frank says. Morgan figures that if Frank can't think of anything, then it must be because there's nothing to think of. They drag Brendan's body out of Morgan's car and heave it into Frank's, which, I gather, is actually Brendan's. They arrange him behind the steering wheel, and then decide to handcuff him to it. This will make it look like Brendan was really determined to kill himself. Frank then snaps Brendan's wrist, which I guess is supposed to make it look like he flailed around in the water, because even really determined people will struggle against their fates at the end. "I think you might've just screwed us," Morgan says. No, what screwed you guys is drowning the guy in dishwater instead of river water. Someone's got to notice that Brendan has lungs full of Dawn and pan drippings instead of algae and petroleum byproducts.

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Low Winter Sun

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