Episode 2

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
"Back to You, Bob"

But I'm getting ahead of myself.


First, Jerry keeps a duffel bag full of hundies out in his trunk in the casino parking lot, because Jerry is the king of making great life choices, so I guess he's going up against Lester for Round Three.

Meanwhile, it's time for Ace and Escalante to see who's going to be a hair-trigger maniac asshole first. It is kind of a photo finish, in the parlance of this world we are exploring, in that both of them are pretty much odious. Ace, however, especially dislikes the meanness of Escalante toward Leon -- I think? -- and that puts him morally closer to the black than Escalante, because Leon is pretty much an okay person compared to the rest of these people. On the whole what I have learned is that jockeys, as a people, are kinder than most. Perhaps this is an evolutionary trick to compensate for their tiny size, but whatever it is, the only person that even approaches them in coolness is the Old Man.

Topic #1: The Gus horse is doing quite well. How are his bowel movements? Curiously, we don't discuss his bowels this week, although of course hope springs eternal.

Topic #2: Escalante has been paying all the bills for Gus's horse for the last two years, and something else about some other horse or something. And How They Killed Him.

Topic #3: Gus is still obsessed with this one goat. As it turns out, Gus's horse also likes that same goat, and vice versa. They have a healthy friendship of manly goat and virile horse. To be fair, it is a very cute goat. Some of the fellows in the stables call the goat "Vicente," although Escalante, as an unfeeling cad, simply calls it "Goat."

Topic #4: How much do carrots cost? Ace needs to know.

Topic #5: Is this a mob scam that will somehow result in the death of Albus Dumbledore and maybe everybody else including DiRossi and Buffalo Bill? Escalante pretends he isn't curious -- "What do I know? I'm from Peru!" -- but I don't buy it.


I guess due to the potion that they slipped him, or just the fact that they are super freaky and scary and gross ladies, Lonnie's penis cannot become erect. Ever resourceful, the women employ a bewildering and fast-moving array of techniques, including: Playing with their scary nipples, playing with his nipples, sticking things in his anus, taking out their dentures to fellate him, and -- most surprisingly -- bashing his head in with something heavy. Ah, it would seem sex was not their only aim, tonight.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP