Establishing shots of people heading into a busy office building give way to three guys and a woman getting on the elevator. From left to right, the guys are Paul (Michael Gladis), Ken (Aaron Staton), and Harry (Rich Sommer). Paul asks the elevator operator to take them to the 23rd floor, but Harry, as he doffs his hat, adds, "Not right away." As they all ogle the woman, Peggy (Elisabeth Moss), Ken makes a comment about how he's enjoying the view. In front of them, Peggy gets this look on her face that implies she was expecting a little more subtlety from people who use words for a living. It's best to get disabused of these notions as quickly as possible. Talk turns to "Campbell's" bachelor party, and Ken says he's definitely going. Paul offers that he hears Pete's fiancée is a nice girl. Harry: "Ah, who wants that?" Big talk from a guy who...damn, it's hard even to remotely adhere to that spoiler promise. Okay, fine, ruin my jokes, bandwagoners. Anyway, the elevator doors open, and Peggy gets off first, presumably to wash off the back of her head.
As the boys walk into the office, Paul asks if Ken had to be that crude, opining that Peggy will probably be assigned to one of them. Ken tells him that now she'll know what she's in for, which makes me in agreement with him, which can only mean that I'm a pig. Well, as long as I get to be Spider Pig. Spider Pig! Spider Pig! ...Excuse me.
Well, those sixteen hours just flew by. Ken adds that by letting the girl know what kind of guy you are, you signal what kind of girl you want her to be. Paul snarks that he doesn't expect he'll be going to Ken's bachelor party any time soon, and after Paul's liver silently thanks Ken for that, Ken tells us that compared to Campbell, he's a Boy Scout. Not so sure I buy that, really. Certainly, compared to Pete, even a lout like Ken comes off chivalrous and polite, but that doesn't necessarily translate into more actual sex with women, which will be amply demonstrated in this episode. The boys head for Pete's door, and Hildy (Julie McNiven) stands (God, I forgot she wore her hair down like that at the beginning of the series) and asks if Pete is expecting them. They pay her absolutely no mind, and it's just too bad that Peggy wasn't there to see that too.
Inside, Pete (Vincent Kartheiser) is on the phone, assuring his fiancée that he'll get home safely; he then smiles at the boys as he tells her to take her mother to lunch and tell her it was his idea. Okay, but will you foot the bill if they order some celebratory champagne? They are WASPs, you know. Pete goes on that he doesn't know what the boys have planned, but "judging from the creative brainpower around here, we'll probably end up seeing My Fair Lady." It's a lot more appropriate if you think of it as Pig-Malion. Ken, however, holds up a brochure from The Slipper Room, which is actually only a few blocks from where I live and a place I used to frequent. Hey, the burlesque may have been straight, but the bartenders most assuredly were not. Pete smiles in approval and says he'll stop by the fiancée's place on his way home. "Your mother can check under my fingernails." Just as long as she doesn't light a match in your vicinity. He assures her he loves her. "I'm giving up my life to be with you, aren't I?" Yeah, remember what I said about those offhand comments? Pete hangs up and, seemingly sincerely, tells the boys that she's great, and that she stole his heart. Paul: "And her old man's loaded." Oh, Paul. Here we were, having a lovely time discussing all the tits and ass we're going to see tonight, and you had to go get gauche on us.