Don enters Bertram's office to find the Bertram, Pryce, and "Horace Cook," Bronzo's father. After Horace mentions that he and Don met at Lincoln Center, Bertram says he heard about Bronzo coming to them, and Pryce pipes up that Don felt it would be best "out of deference" to let Horace in on the joke. Horace already knows about Bronzo's jai alai dream, however, saying Bronzo's convinced of its financial potential. Pryce chimes in that there's no reason to doubt that, to which Horace replies, "Are you drunk?" I think I like this guy. He goes on that the sport is "like Polish handball. You can't even play it if you're left-handed -- there's no wall on that side." In fairness, it would have been an even worse financial prospect if the righties had been shafted by the wall's position. Bertram doesn't need to hear any more to offer to make Bronzo off-limits to SC, but Horace is all, not so fast -- while Bronzo's plan makes no sense, if SC refuses him he'll just go someplace else. "My son lives in a cloud of success, but it's my success. Perhaps when that evaporates and his face is pressed against the reality of the sidewalk, he'll be of value to someone." Especially if he's lying over a puddle. Bertram offers that he was raised to kill or be killed, eat or be eaten, and I'm not necessarily doubting him but I wouldn't have thought that start in life would have led to a permanent attachment to bow ties. Don uncertainly asks Horace if he wants them to proceed, and Horace sighs that when they put Bronzo's trust aside for him, he was a little kid. "We didn't know what kind of person we were making." A poetic answer and all, but with the money that's at stake I wouldn't blame Don for asking the question again just to be sure. Bertram insists that Horace stay for lunch, and Don cordially shakes his hand while Pryce nearly wets his trousers with glee.
Paul presents a list of "ideas" to Lois (hey, she didn't get fired either! Once was enough, I guess) as Ken and Harry watch and guffaw. Remember of course that (a) Peggy was mean to Lois, at least from the latter's perspective, and (b) the boys have interacted with Lois before, so their choice of prankster is eminently logical. Cut to Peggy answering her phone (her private line, I'm guessing) as "Margaret," which is the name she put in the ad. Lois, making her delivery sound a little younger, introduces herself as a twenty-two-year old named "Elaine," who has a good job and is interested in a roommate. Peggy's pleased at first, but gets less so when "Elaine" goes on that she works in a tannery around animal carcasses all day, so she doesn't have pets. "The smell makes them go crazy." The boys are cracking up, and as easily pleased as they are I still have to admit this is hilarious to watch, with Elisabeth Moss's reactions being one of the best parts, as usual. Peggy tries to extricate herself from the suddenly grim conversation, but "Elaine" plows on, saying she has to find a place near a hospital, as her face is badly burned and she needs "frequent prescriptions for unguents and salves." Hee. Peggy is getting more and more flustered, but catches on when Lois starts talking about how she's going to need some help with the bathroom and loses it altogether in the middle, immediately joined in peals of laughter by the boys. Peggy's offended dignity causes her to stand, and she's like, "You know what? You're a jerk!" Language like that will help fight off all the rapists.
Gene banters with Sally about his "salt tooth" (don't ask) while eating ice cream at the kitchen table. He offers her some, and when she tells him Betty doesn't let them have ice cream before dinner, he replies, "She afraid you're gonna be fat like she was?" Funny how one little sentence from her dad can make Betty seem so much more understandable. He adds that Betty's mother used to drive her into town and make her walk home to lose weight, and then asks if Sally remembers Grandma Ruth. Sally: "She gave me a ukulele." One way to be remembered, all right. Upon hearing that Sally hasn't learned the instrument, Gene tells her she should -- she's smart. "You can really do something. Don't let your mother tell you otherwise." Kind of the gruff old man version of Oh, The Places You'll Go! Gene gets Sally to partake in the ice cream, and then comments, "This tastes like chocolate, but it smells like oranges." Here's a game to play at home: How many times can you say "I smell bread" before Gene has a stroke?
Out to dinner, Bronzo is regaling Pete and Don with tales involving Montezuma's Revenge, and then Pete tells Don that Bronzo thinks a photo of JFK enjoying jai alai would be a great endorsement. Somehow, it seems fitting that those two thoughts came so close together. Bronzo then waxes philosophical about how his father made his money -- he rented ships for troop transport during "the war," the point being that he was a profiteer and didn't do it out of any patriotic loyalty. Bronzo's scheme, however, while it may sound silly, has the potential to get people psyched about a new sport, "and people are gonna be dying to do business with me, even my father." That's the least likely thing about this entire scheme by far. Which is sad, because all this shows that Bronzo is one of those too-rich boys who still long for Daddy's approval, but considering he's getting the benefit of millions of dollars in 1963 to help him work through his issues, I can't feel too sorry for him. Don opines that Bronzo should take the decisions he's making a bit more seriously, causing Pete to seriously consider yelling "FIRE!" to get Bronzo quickly away from Don, but Bronzo wants to hear Don out, so Don tells him that while they're happy (in Pryce and Pete's case, ecstatic) to take his money, he thinks he should reevaluate "this particular obsession. You can do better." Pete looks like he might put in for a vacation that very night, but Bronzo, after looking confused for a few moments, laughs and erroneously concludes that Don's just employing a sales technique, and says he learned a lot about advertising from the galleys of a book by "Oh-GIL-vee." Oh, brother. Don, pronouncing the name correctly, asks why, then, Bronzo isn't retaining Ogilvy, but Bronzo evenly replies, "Because Campbell talked me out of it." As Pete restrains himself from a completely beatific smiles, Bronzo adds that they need to get one thing straight -- "if jai alai fails, it's your fault." Don looks at Bronzo like he's suddenly a lot happier about taking his money.
Peggy's back at the bulletin board taking down her ad, which now has the "Margaret" circled and a "Hi, Peggy!" written on it. Heh. Joan enters the break room and, after amusedly observing what Peggy's up to, says she thinks the right girl could have a great effect on her. "I do, however, find your ad unfortunate." She adds that Peggy's ad reads like "the stage directions from an Ibsen play," and opines that using "Margaret" is the wrong approach. Peggy thinks the name is more adult, but Joan points out that that's the problem -- getting a roommate in Manhattan should be about two girls having an adventure. She gives Peggy