Don gets out of the elevator in his building and babbles OUT LOUD about how he's going to tell Megan he's going for cigarettes and then he's going to knock on Sylvia's door. I assume he's actually planning to get the smokes first, just in case Sylvia doesn't answer. He chatters on some more about what he's going to say, and it sounds just like his ad pitch to Peggy and Ginzo, so you can imagine he won't be getting nearly as lucky as his teenage self this episode. All this becomes irrelevant, though, when he enters to find Megan standing with two police officers and Henry, with Betty in a chair holding Gene and the other two kids on the couch. It must be pretty late, if for some time Megan has been done not only with the play but the schmoozing afterward, so obviously Betty uses her least-amused tone of voice in telling Don what happened. Megan adds that Ida robbed a bunch of places in the building, and she got in through the back door, which was open. Not sure if Don left it open through carelessness or in the pathetic hope that Sylvia would come knockin'. One of the cops pipes up that they think they caught Ida boarding the IRT. Betty barks that this happened because no one was there (with a pretty good, if inaccurate, burn about Megan being off "on the casting couch"), and frankly, I'm surprised she didn't make more of a stink earlier when she found out that Sally was being left alone to watch her brothers, but I can hardly blame her for being opportunistic in lambasting Don. One of the cops thinks the burglary could have happened to anyone, but Betty snaps back that it could only happen to "anyone who lives in this disgusting city," so I guess she really got her little bohemian nostalgia out of her system in the season premiere. Megan tries to apologize to Sally, but Sally, fixing Don with a look, says she wants to go home -- at which point Don literally swoons, falling to the floor in a dead faint. I know you generally have to care to do this, but is no one going to stage an intervention just out of pure embarrassment?
Back in The Best Little Coughhouse in Pennsylvania, Mack kicks Miss Swenson out of the house over a money dispute, but not before she announces to everyone that she "took that boy's cherry." After Mack gets rid of her, Abigail starts beating up on Don with a wooden spoon, calling him trash. I'm sure I'm supposed to care about how Abigail's Puritanical hypocrisy effed Don up; if he'd do anything interesting and/or tolerable in the present, I'd consider it.