Cut to a close-up of someone opening a small box to reveal two earrings that...well, I've never seen Blood Diamond, but if you were to tell me the plot revolved around this pair I wouldn't exactly be surprised. The opener is Mona, who blithely comments, "How very Jane Siegel Sterling." Expensive, tacky, and unaware of when to quit? Sounds about right. Mona does go on to add, however, that Jane is "trying," which brings a right snit from Margaret about how Mona always takes Jane's side, which I find hilarious in concept. Like, Margaret, if you think your mother, who Roger left for a twenty-something-year-old, is consistently taking the side of that twenty-something-year-old, it seems to me extremely likely that there's either a flaw in your perception of the situation, a flaw in your behavior, or, by far the most likely, both. Mona sharply denies that accusation, and Margaret, looking like she's holding back from projectile vomiting, says that Jane has been giving her advice like "Don't go to bed angry," "Let them do what they want," and "Dress sexy." Well, I'm not going to say that's not totally Smurfy, but for Margaret to say that Jane's ruined her life by being with Roger makes it kind of hard to take her seriously, even when she goes on that she doesn't want to get married. She kind of honestly makes absolutely no sense as she blubbers her way into a story about Brooks's mother telling her that in India, if a wedding doesn't take place at the appointed hour, the bride gets burned alive, but it's all worth it for Mona's response: "Just because she went to India doesn't mean she's not an idiot." Hee. Margaret, however, is not mollified by the delicious use of the double negative, saying that if Jane comes, she's not going. As she makes this declaration, her face resembles nothing so much as Pete's when he just pouted in Ken's direction, so you can imagine that once again, it's difficult to take her seriously, and Mona, who can see daylight on getting this piece of work out of the house once and for all, tells her that Roger paid for the whole shindig, and as such he has the right to bring Jane. This eventually leads to Margaret calling Roger because Mona's being mean to her, and while I'm betting that worked well as a go-to strategy in the past I think it's likely to be somewhat less effective in this particular instance. Margaret babbles to him about how she doesn't like Jane and doesn't want her there, and continues to be incredibly clueless when she takes it as some sort of victory that Roger asks to speak to Mona. Mona continues to be awesome as she filters each side's barbs, telling Roger that he has to keep Jane under control and Margaret that she and Roger are both tired of her drama before threatening Margaret with canceling the wedding and leaving her to an Indian fate. Heh. After Margaret backs down and leaves the room, Mona asks Roger why Jane got Margaret such an expensive gift, but Roger didn't even know they'd seen each other, even saying he forbade such an interaction, which frankly shows more foresight than I would have given him credit for. The exes have a nice moment where they can't help but giggle at what a nightmare their DNA produced, but when they disconnect, Roger sternly calls Jane in and asks what the hell is up with her spending half his net worth on a gift that only served to produce a tantrum from his daughter. Jane plays the hurt "I'm a good person" card that was pretty shaky even when it was new, and although I can't blame her for being "tired of the awkwardness" it hasn't exactly been that long in the grand scheme of things. Roger doesn't bother agreeing with me and instead points out that she disobeyed a direct order, with exactly the result he expected, which prompts Jane to throw a tantrum of her own and lock herself in the bathroom. And while Roger is only home during the day because he "overdid it at lunch," in his own words, I'm thinking this exchange is going to send him straight to the wet bar.
Episode Report CardCouch Baron: A | 2223 USERS: B-
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