Trudy and Pete go to see an obstetrician about their inability to conceive, allowing Pete to show off both his comic timing and his rather miserable philosophy of life. He also learns that his boys can swim, not that we didn't know that already, which of course makes Trudy feel completely inadequate, not that Pete has a lot of sympathy. Joan gets engaged, and everyone duly admires her beautiful rock, except for a rather wistful Roger. Joan also has found a new secretary for Don named Jane, but has to lecture her for showing too much of her goods, even deliciously using the word "décolletage" to make her point. Bobbi calls Don with the news that a pilot for her show is going to be made, but when he goes to meet her for a celebration, he runs into Rachel, who's newly married. Bobbi then invites Don to her beach house in Stony Brook, and they bond over their love of movies before Don crashes his car. He gets hit with a fine he doesn't have the cash on him to pay, so he gets Peggy to come pick him and Bobbi up and bring them back to the city.
Don arrives home early in the morning to an angry and worried Betty, and does nothing to relieve her state of mind by blaming his accident on the medication for his high blood pressure, which Betty didn't even know about. Bobbi stays with Peggy to hide out from Jimmy while her wounds heal, and she wonders why Peggy is going to such lengths to help Don, but the answer comes when we get a flashback to when Peggy was in the hospital, heartbreakingly drugged-up and unable to deal with or even acknowledge the fact she had a child, and it was Don who came to the hospital and basically gave her the strength to move on, albeit in a very denial-heavy way. Bobbi counsels Peggy to treat Don as an equal if she wants to get ahead, and also to embrace her womanhood rather than trying to be a man. Peggy takes the advice by calling Don by his first name for the first time, and then Don goes home to a salt-free but love-filled meal.
We start in a doctor's office, and we pan across to see Pete and Trudy looking somewhat uncomfortable. A man in his late fifties or so enters and introduces himself as "Dr. Stone," and Trudy eagerly explains that her friend's father is Head of Obstetrics at Lenox Hill, and the father said Dr. Stone gets results. Dr. Stone demurs: "They got results. Sometimes all a young couple needs is a good old-fashioned hand holding." I think it's going to take more than that in this case, but as a start I suppose it can't hurt. Dr. Stone declares his intention to ask them some questions both together and separately, and then ascertains that they've been trying to conceive for eighteen months. He asks if they're aware of the principles of conception, and Trudy smiles in embarrassment while Pete says yes. "Although, if you'd like to show us some films..." This is the first demonstration of a mathematical equation that goes, "Pete Campbell + Conception Hijinx = HILARITY." There will be many more such demonstrations as the hour goes on, which may sound like overkill but really, really isn't. Trudy then mentions that before they started trying, she was using a diaphragm. "Although it's possible I didn't need to." Aw, it's sad, if consistent, that Trudy, one of the most decent people on the show, is being denied her most fervent and desperate wish. And you can't even bright-side it by saying this is the universe not wanting Pete to reproduce.
Freddy is telling Don some off-color joke as they walk into SC, and then they hear some loud female squealing nearby. Freddy: "Sounds like a visit from the stork, or De Beers...or it could just be a new hairdo." That was a lot funnier than his joke, I'll give him that. Anyway, it's Door Number Two, as a beaming Joan emerges and flashes her ring finger as she bids them both good morning. Aw. It's nice to see Joan acting like a girl, considering she's more man than most of the office put together.
Pete's alone with Dr. Stone now, and is fielding some questions about his medical history. When Dr. Stone asks if his testicles descended normally, Pete's response is, "Absolutely!" Hee. I can't begin to do justice to the delivery there, but it's like he thinks the descent of his balls is the standard to which every man should aspire. He goes on to tell the doc that he's never fathered a child, and I'm looking forward to him finding out not only that that's not true but that the mother went temporarily insane as the result of his progeny. Upon being asked if he ever has trouble "completing the sexual act," Pete gives the idea some thought, and replies, "Drinking doesn't help. But no! I always reach home base." Pete eventually gets irritated with all the questions, so the doc assures him that fertility has nothing to do with manliness. Dr. Stone then asks if Pete wants to have a child, and Pete defensively says that he does, of course -- but then again, with the world in the state it's in...Dr. Stone refrains from pointing out that that's basically a "no" in favor of talking about Pete's line of work, which he opines must be fun, to which Pete scoffs in response. "I'm an account man. I spend half my day tiptoeing around Creative crybabies and the other half drinking with ungrateful turnips who just fell off the truck." I'm not entirely sure what an ungrateful turnip is, but it's not going to stop me from using the term from here on out. He goes on to complain about the economy, his inlaws, and "this baby thing," and he's certainly sounding crotchety enough that I'm surprised he still makes it all around the bases every single time. He mentions that it's been "a few months" since his father passed on, and Dr. Stone sympathizes, but offers that we're all part of a continuum. Pete replies, "So maybe I'm the end of the line." This hangs in the air for a moment, and then Dr. Stone tells him they're done, and asks him to send Trudy in and also to schedule an appointment with the nurse for a semen analysis. Pete chuckles: "Whenever she's free!" Dr. Stone's face: "If I had a nickel..."