Mad Scramble And Broken Hearts

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 1 USERS: A+
The Shuffle That Didn't

Previously on One Fish, Two Fish, I Fish, You Fish: In the wake of Colby's departure, Ethan looked around for his allies and noticed that their number was lagging somewhere around zero. Jerri, on the other hand, was doing that Daffy Duck thing, bouncing around on her head and her feet going, "Woo-hoo-hoo!" Chapera managed to take a log-rolling reward challenge that allowed them to loot Mogo Mogo, ending up with the much-discussed fishing spear, among other things. This led to a dick-measuring contest of the first degree between Rupert -- who bases his entire self-image on his ability to fish -- and Rob -- who bases his entire self-image on his ability to show other people up. A match made in heaven, dick-measuring-contest-wise. In news of romantic destiny and legally questionable voyeurism, Rob and Amber took seriously the cry of "just kiss, already" that they were certain would be emanating from the family rooms of America by now, and they, according to Jeff, "finally connected." Does kissing need a euphemism? I'm just wondering. That darn FCC is getting really strict. Jerri volunteered for archery at the immunity challenge, and although Rob couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, Jerri couldn't hit the barn, the house, or the pickup in the driveway with the gun rack on the back, so Mogo Mogo was headed for tribal council yet again. Lex -- who has learned nothing since Africa about strategic trap-shutting -- decided that not only would he have Ethan removed, but he would inform Ethan ahead of time. Ethan went to Kathy and tried to get her to consider booting Lex or Jerri, but in the end, Kathy and Shii Ann went along with Lex and Jerri, sending Ethan home to party with the rest of the weasels. Who will be voted out tonight?

Credits. Okay, what's with the tooth dripping blood between Rob C. and Alicia? Creepy. I never noticed that before. That looks like a very unfortunate day at the alligator dentist. (I think I just came up with the idea for my upcoming children's book.)

Chapera, the morning of Day 22. Rob and Amber are asleep under a blanket as we hear the sound of wood being sawed. Outside, Big Tom and Rupert are working on felling a tree. Finally, it goes down. "Timber!" Rupert yells, despite the people sleeping ten feet away. Rob stirs at this, and lifts his head long enough to peek out. Unmoved, he goes back to sleep. Heh. Rupert voices over that he and Big Tom are the ones around the camp who are the "worker bees." He complains that he doesn't like people who "lay [sic] their ass [sic] around in the shelter and let [him] do all the work," and it's just precious that he can actually slam the work ethic of people who already had built themselves a luxury condo before he ever got there, while his camp was barely good enough to serve as the annex to a medieval prison. I mean, honestly. Rupert's tribe barely lived through his efforts at being Big Daddy. He should probably close his great big yap. He regretfully says that he can't exactly go in and tell everybody to get out of bed. I sort of wish he had, because I would enjoy seeing the imprint of Rob's medallion on Rupert's forehead. I will admit that, of all the really satisfying things that have happened in my reality-show recapping career, the decline and fall of Rupert as Big Lovable Teddy Bear Guy and his emergence as Giant Egotistical Jackass has been one of the most pleasurable, not that I'm the kind of person who would ever say, "I told you so." (But I did.)

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