Meet The Models
Clearly, they don't know too much about the show's premise, since every one of them looks totally surprised to see that their hosts are Niki and Tyson -- actual, real supermodels and not some Abdulified versions of industry professionals. You know they thought Kathy Ireland was about to walk in there with Fabio. And the sad thing is, they wouldn't have cared. Niki -- who is wearing so much makeup I can hardly recognize her -- says that they've been all over the country and these people are the best of the best. Except, well, then she mentions that some of them will actually be going home in about an hour when they do cuts. So, those people will be the worst of the best? All of these kids look sick to hear that.
The day begins. Niki and Tyson make the contestants walk up and down the runway and ask them a bunch of dumb questions all over again, this time assisted by three heads of New York Models, from which the winner of this contest will be receiving a contract.
Apparently, this business is not all about the way you look. I find that hard to believe, but allegedly it's also important to be able to talk and pick out the right clothes for go-sees. Katy, from Alabama, does not look like a supermodel to me, yet, but she's from Alabama and so am I, so she gets a pass from me. We meet a bunch of the others all over again, including FRANKIE, and they interview poor Aryn, who is also from Alabama (look, we're very attractive down here), but gets no pass from me, because she is too silly for words giggling about how she controls men with her smile, because they're "like, easier than girls." Haaa.
More of the contestants embarrass themselves talking about their unique features of confidence and passion, attributes that no twenty-year-olds have ever been able to claim in the history of the world! One guy just got out of the military after two tours in Iraq. I get a tear in my eye because he is cute and nearly died and now he is doing THIS. Another guy used to weigh 250 pounds, and the New York Models president acts like he said 250 tons. Niki obviously tries to give everyone a big smile to boost their confidence, and it backfires on her when ol' Perry steps up and annoys the entire world by asking if she could, real quick, just wink at him. She does not appear to comply, thank God, but she laughs, even when he says some other stupid stuff. The Buddhist is there, too, cute as ever, and tells the tragic tale of how he lived out of his guitar case in an alley for a while. Out of a guitar case? Seriously, he says that, and his voice even cracks. I cover my face in shame. He's so beautiful, but these kids have watched so many of these shows, and they are all so desperate to cast themselves in these roles, and the show doesn't even bother to make it subtle. Remember gorgeous, adorable Ronnie? In the time since we last saw him, he got a spray-on tan, is covered on both arms with tattoos, and has frosted his hair. Why, Ronnie? Why?