Make Me A Supermodel
Meet The Models

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Meet The Models

Yenier is twenty-one and from Cuba. His father thinks the fashion industry is "so gay." Yenier looks guilty for having to put it like that, but come on, Papi is right. He's super-thin and sort of weird-looking, so he will surely advance to the next round.

The last stop for the crew is New York, which turns out to be full of freaks. Who knew? The best two include a tiny scraggly-haired Jewish man in white shorts and a sparkly hat, and who goes by the stage name of Sex 21 Plus.

Poor, Beleaguered Producer: "So...tell us more...Sex?"

Sex 21 Plus: "I'm sexy-looking."

He isn't. Nor is the forty-year-old Robert, who looks like the Unabomber and was just walking by and saw the line and, probably thinking it was the methadone clinic, decided to stand in it and audition for whatever it was that was going on. As you do. "Awesome," says a producer, and I am forced to agree.

A pretty blonde tells the camera that she like, has like, morals and like, values and stuff and thinks she can be like, a feminist and still be on a model show. And then there is Ben, who came all the way from Nashville, taking time off from his job as a prison guard and traveling with his, I'll say it delicately, very normal-looking wife, to fulfill his dream to become a model. He's cuuuute and from the cowntry, and I guess he must have bad eyesight or something and the Army wouldn't take him, because he looks right out of the Go Army brochure.

Praise God, all that traveling is done, and the powers that be have narrowed down the thousands of hopefuls to just thirty-five, all of whom are flown to New York to be put through the wringer.

Clearly, they don't know too much about the show's premise, since every one of them looks totally surprised to see that their hosts are Niki and Tyson -- actual, real supermodels and not some Abdulified versions of industry professionals. You know they thought Kathy Ireland was about to walk in there with Fabio. And the sad thing is, they wouldn't have cared. Niki -- who is wearing so much makeup I can hardly recognize her -- says that they've been all over the country and these people are the best of the best. Except, well, then she mentions that some of them will actually be going home in about an hour when they do cuts. So, those people will be the worst of the best? All of these kids look sick to hear that.

The day begins. Niki and Tyson make the contestants walk up and down the runway and ask them a bunch of dumb questions all over again, this time assisted by three heads of New York Models, from which the winner of this contest will be receiving a contract.

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Make Me A Supermodel




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