Make Me A Supermodel
Meet The Models

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B- | Grade It Now!
Meet The Models

Apparently, this business is not all about the way you look. I find that hard to believe, but allegedly it's also important to be able to talk and pick out the right clothes for go-sees. Katy, from Alabama, does not look like a supermodel to me, yet, but she's from Alabama and so am I, so she gets a pass from me. We meet a bunch of the others all over again, including FRANKIE, and they interview poor Aryn, who is also from Alabama (look, we're very attractive down here), but gets no pass from me, because she is too silly for words giggling about how she controls men with her smile, because they're "like, easier than girls." Haaa.

More of the contestants embarrass themselves talking about their unique features of confidence and passion, attributes that no twenty-year-olds have ever been able to claim in the history of the world! One guy just got out of the military after two tours in Iraq. I get a tear in my eye because he is cute and nearly died and now he is doing THIS. Another guy used to weigh 250 pounds, and the New York Models president acts like he said 250 tons. Niki obviously tries to give everyone a big smile to boost their confidence, and it backfires on her when ol' Perry steps up and annoys the entire world by asking if she could, real quick, just wink at him. She does not appear to comply, thank God, but she laughs, even when he says some other stupid stuff. The Buddhist is there, too, cute as ever, and tells the tragic tale of how he lived out of his guitar case in an alley for a while. Out of a guitar case? Seriously, he says that, and his voice even cracks. I cover my face in shame. He's so beautiful, but these kids have watched so many of these shows, and they are all so desperate to cast themselves in these roles, and the show doesn't even bother to make it subtle. Remember gorgeous, adorable Ronnie? In the time since we last saw him, he got a spray-on tan, is covered on both arms with tattoos, and has frosted his hair. Why, Ronnie? Why?

Shannon -- who is weirdly beautiful and nine feet tall and possibly has a slight case of Asperger's -- steps up to tell a little about herself. One of the most interesting things about her, she says, is that, despite her very feminine appearance, she's actually male. Vrrrrt! The needle comes off the record and everyone looks horrified until she adds that, yes, she's one of the most masculine girls anyone could ever meet -- you know, one of the boys! I don't know if, when this actually happened, she was trying to make a joke, but I tend to accept this version as reality, seeing as how in her home video clip, she is ranting non-stop about her unbelievable drive to "constantly earn money."

Tyson tells us, with gravity, that this industry is all about who wants it most, and that in this competition, they'll find out who wants it. Not that I'm complaining about any time Tyson's on screen, but...really? Who is writing these lines?

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Make Me A Supermodel




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