Make Me A Supermodel

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Jeff Long: A- | Grade It Now!
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What A Big Scarf You Have!

Tyson introduces Bill Diodato, a photographer whose work has been in Glamour, Marie Claire and Nylon. It looks like he's shot a lot of accessories. At least 3. Now, Tyson and Nicole move to a black curtain to show the models what they'll be wearing for the shoot. I see where this is going. They pull away the curtain to reveal empty hangers. NAKED. Hell yeah. Bill says that the shoot is about emphasizing the accessory, but we know it's all about T and A. Branden feels like an ass now for picking a tie. Sandhurst has gloves.

We see a heavenly sequence of the models getting naked and made-up. Salome has nipple pads on while some lady seriously rubs her boobs. Branden has to shave his testicles and apparently causes some bleeding. Amanda tells us that she doesn't want her son to become gay, so she walks naked around him all of the time. Just sit with that for a minute. That's all it takes to not be gay -- seeing your mom naked. Because, you know once you see your mom's junk, you'd be all, "Ooh, I gotta get me some of that. And, I don't want to watch Golden Girls or Make Me A Supermodel." At one point, Branden teases Amanda to not be too shy (she has a strapless bra on while the rest of the girls are sporting the nipple pads) and she tells him to shut up. I love Branden. His objective is clearly just to see her naked, not razz her. He's pure that way. Jordan, who seems to talk about Amanda so much more than she talks TO her, or really anyone-- seriously, she's obsessed with Amanda -- says that Amanda is lying if she says she is comfortable getting naked in front of everyone.

Jonathan is first. He says this challenge is all about selling yourself at its most elemental. Bill tells him that they don't want the picture to look too International Male, which is code for over-the-top gay. Funny, because I could swear that Bill's turtleneck was an International Male purchase. Jonathan says that he's used to being naked, but not in front of a crew of people. Pause -- there's a few seconds of his behind. Well done, Jonathan. Bill tells him to relax his ass at one point. Jonathan interviews that shoots like these are the reason that they go to the gym. Tyson praises him for showing the right stuff and we see that part of Jonathan's crotch is exposed and blurred. The effect is that it looks like Tyson just said, "Yeah, show your crotch, that's right." Bill praised him for letting it all hang out while really working the accessory.

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Make Me A Supermodel

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