Make Me A Supermodel

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: B+ | Grade It Now!
They Know Candy Like They Know Calculus

Suza comes out and tells the models that they will be made into candy. They have to use their face and emotions to really embody the candy. For those who can't walk, this will be more difficult than it seems. Then, there is the most amazing sequence of body painting. Models are beautiful. Branden agrees with me. He says that the memory of all of the girls walking around in panties and pasties will be the fodder for some really great "dreams." Something tells me Branden won't be asleep when recalling those memories. While on the subject of Branden, he is, while seemingly as dumb as a box of dummies, what I would imagine would be created if you mixed butter and light brown sugar and packed it into the shape of a hot boy. Which is more of a pastry than a candy. Branden voices his disappointment that CJ kept holding her "boobie wa-wa's" (clinical term), because "damn." They really are pretty beautiful.

The most interesting thing about this whole segment is finding out that models find other models hot. It shouldn't be so surprising. Shawn comments that the transformation was "a hot mess." I think he means that literally. He comments that Jonathan is a hot man. And, yes. But both of them are married, so... Shawn bores me. Colin is made up as chocolate, and Kerryn flirts with him by saying she's going to lick it off of him, which totally flusters him. He tells us that he was captain of his academic team and never got much attention from girls. Funny, the girls on my academic team were freaking rock star partiers. Oh, by the way, Colin has never stuck it in. He can't stop telling us.

Salome looks amazing. She's pretty surprised when she sees the make-up. She says that she was fine with the process -- because their nipples were covered. The whole philosophy of what makes a boob exposed is so weird to me. I'm looking at her entire breast right now. Eff the nipple. She says that her only restriction was that no candy be placed on her "va-jay-jay." I lose a little respect for people when they use that word. It hasn't been cool or funny since 2006. We're moving on. Her delivery was kinda funny, though.

Jesus, hot models everywhere. Gabe makes a joke (?) about being used as a blank canvas. He's such a flat personality. I know this reasoning is too often invoked in regards to models, but I seriously as fuck think it's because dude is starving to death. He is one missed late-afternoon snack from the trapped-in-the-Andes level of starving. Amanda tells him that she'll use him, then interviews that he looks amazing. Get it, Amanda! She says that it's nice to have eye candy. Candy!

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Make Me A Supermodel




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