Make Me A Supermodel

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Jeff Long: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dying To Be Thin

Previously: There was ass all over the place. The models posed nude with accessories. Amanda thought that walking around in front of her son would make him not gay (seriously), so she was kicked off. The episode was perfection.

There are six models left! The whole crew of judges is here again! It's almost like this show could have a consistent point-of-view soon. Weird! It's morning and, while Branden is asleep, Mountaha is walking slowly on the treadmill. She tells us that, though she hasn't won anything, she is getting "stronger" every day. Pick up the pace on that treadmill, Mountaha. I think this might be the week when you have a little trouble. Like Jonathan. He's performing his brutal regime of abs exercises. He interviews that he thinks the top three will be Jordan, Sandhurst, and himself. We see shots of Salome, sleeping Branden, and Mountaha -- ignorant of his statement and sort of staring into space. I don't think he's right. I still think Branden could be there in the end. Whatever sort of "growth" the judges are seeing in the models, Branden is still the only one who really looks like he could fit in with current high fashion models.

Jordan sings a song for us about being glad that Amanda is gone. Salome finds the clue about today's photo challenge. It's time for them to "get ROWDY." Branden stumbles out, wondering why no one woke him up. Jonathan says that he tried three times. Poor Branden needs his mommy. Mountaha informs him that they're leaving in 20 minutes, which means there is no time for him to have his daily breakfast of bacon and Coca-Cola. That sounds so good.

They are instructed to go to the rooftop of some building, where they are greeted by Tyson and Nicole, who is wearing a headband. That's a thing of hers, isn't it? Tyson reminds them that this business is about saving the world. Kidding, it's about selling a product. Nicole adds with that accent I still can't believe is Australian that they have to please a client and sell a brand. Shit, that's one thing too many for most of these guys. Tyson says that they're about to meet someone who has produced songs for Gwen Stefani and Madonna, started his own record label, and designed the fashion line Rowdy. Salome has terror in her eyes-- "Are we going to have to dance?" Dallas Austin comes out. He tells the models that he created the line in 1991 and is inspired by the fashions and music that he grew up with. Um, Branden was BORN in 1991 or thereabouts, yes? I need to have a hip replaced. Dallas says it's Bono, the Fonz, and James Dean mixed together. That's also several decades mixed together, but it takes longer for some to grow up than for others. It's also Mad Max and the Sex Pistols. Salome looks around a little bit. No one ever speaks of Ye Olde Sex Pistols in Mennonite Land. You just get it in a carved wooden box on your wedding day and it takes you seven embarrassing years to learn how it works. They just wear them on t-shirts out here? It's more sinful then she ever thought. She's thrilled. Seriously though, Rowdy looks like a line of t-shirts, and the celebrity t-shirt line is very 1991.

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Make Me A Supermodel

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