Make Me A Supermodel
The Supermodels Move In

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Too Sexy For This Thong

Oh, but it IS a problem, apparently. Jacki quizzes the rest of the models, including Stephanie, who says that she would never wear a thong, either. The boys try to make her feel better by telling her that she'll look good in it, but apparently that's not the point? Now she's crying because this is her dream and it may not come true because she won't wear a thong. Well...yeah. That's exactly what is happening. She says that she can't even find another girl who would wear it, but au contraire. Shannon, who also has to wear one, doesn't care at all. "It's just part of modeling," she says. "You should be comfortable with showing your body in any way, shape or form."

The walking begins. At the end of the catwalk are Tyson, Niki, Cory, and Jennifer, with their judge faces on. I must say that Aryn looks quite good to me, as does Holly. Katy looks scared to death, and the camera has no shame about lingering on her less-than-rock-hard thighs. Shannon works the thong like it's going out of style (which, please, let that be true), but when Jacki comes out, even though we hear in a voiceover that she's making the most of her bathing suit, she ain't wearing the thong. Tyson and Niki look at each other like a bomb just hit the building. Perry triumphs over his broken foot, working off the adrenaline. Yeah, I'm just telling you what he said. Ronnie, meanwhile, makes the most of his studly body, and really rocks it out. In fact, he says, he "rocked out with his cock out." WHOA. You can say "cock" on Bravo? Awesome. Someone inform Tim Gunn immediately and set his gutter mouth free!

Casey and Dominic look kind of stiff to me, though Casey admirably wears the thong with no issues. Dominic says some dumb stuff about how he's a DJ, so the music really got him going, but his walk, frankly, is a snoozer. FRANKIE, of course, works it to within an inch of his life.

The judges, frankly, are fairly impressed. "Strangé! Strangé, Strangé, Strangé!" Tyson says, killing me, but maybe not realizing that the film he's quoting came out when some of these people were toddlers. They bring all fourteen of the contestants out to answer a few questions before critiquing begins. Cory bashes Sarah for having a long torso (and seriously, she does have a long one), and quickly moves on to Katy, who he fixes with a pitying eye. "Katy, you're really going to have to work on your legs," he says in that tone reserved for someone you're about to fire. "If it were show season right now, I couldn't send you out the way you...are." Ugh. Jennifer twists the knife, asking Katy if she wouldn't just rather go work in an industry where people accepted her for being the way Seriously, it's offensive the way their saying it: she needs to tone up her legs, the end. Katy says that she's willing to do whatever it takes, and that she's not ready to go home. Niki asks Ben how he felt wearing a thong in his first trip down the runway. Tyson jokes that Ben is giving him too much prison guard. "I got locked up," he says, "for some, uh, miscellaneous, frivolous thing..." and, he says, Ben reminds him of the guard who came to let him out on bail. Aw. Ben reminds ME of a very cute guy who hasn't eaten any food in a long time because, damn, his face is withering away.

They drag this judging process out interminably, but the greatest part is when they explain to Jacki how fired she would have been for refusing to wear what they gave her. "It wouldn't have flown," says Cory, "at any time, with any designer." They ask Shannon how she was so comfortable wearing the thong, and she says thought it would be fun, and the way she figures, their asses are already hanging out anyway, so why not? Awesome. They ask her who she sees as her biggest competition, and she very kindly says Jacki, because "she gives it her all." Except, no Jacki doesn't, because she cries and won't put a bathing suit on her flawless body which she is in competition to sell in the first place. Tyson asks Shannon if she's ready to push Jacki off the runway to win this thing, and Shannon laughs and says she is. Watch your back, Jacki.

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Make Me A Supermodel




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