"Oh my God! We're catching up!" the subtitle reads.

Ashley counts the cars on the road but doesn't know what comes after "six" and stops. That's not cars following you, Ashley. That's called "traffic."

"That homing device Susan put in Ashley's pants is working perfectly!" the subtitle reads. I shit you not. They even add an Ed Wood spaceship noise so we can pretend they have a homing device in the car.

Ashley says the following sentence: "They have, like, an intricate network of, like, fans that are all, like, radioing and cell phoning each other."

Subtitle: "Yes, they're exactly 120 meters ahead. Don't lose the signal." What the fuck is happening, you guys?

Dan looks out the back window and says he thinks they've been spotted because they're "all up on the tail of the bus."

The girls shout hello from their own cars, but nobody can hear them. Just us. Trapped. Trapped in a Twilight Zone episode.

Dan and Ashley pretend to build tension by shouting, "That car is following close!"

The girls inside have the subtitle, "Look! There's my love god, Ashley!"

I swear I'm not making any of this up. There's some The Fast and the Furious car chase with pissed-off moms and determined teenage girls flanking the tour bus. They just use random cuts of the tour bus making a right-hand turn, so there's really no tension, just a lot of videotape and adrenaline-filled music.

The concert. Finally. "All or Nothing" is up on the torture bill first. The best part about this is that Dan's obviously just given up and doesn't know the words to the song anymore. He sings them like a German girl would, and you can read his lips: "Army Does Flands!" Is this the part of the season where I get to pick all or nothing? Because I'm totally ready to make my choice.

I'm not even recapping the last retarded segment where the boys finish the movie, bid us hello, and then wonder where Ashley took off to. They leave in time for Ashley to come back from the bathroom and wonder where the boys are. Dammit! I accidentally recapped it! Damn you, O-Town! I'll get you next time, O-Town. Next tiiiiiiime.

Next time, someone tells O-Town that their debut album was a "skin-crawling horror," and then the leader of skin-crawling horrors tries to get one of his skin-crawling masterpieces on the next album. Call up the Crypt Keeper. Clive Davis's trying to take his gig!