Making the Band

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A- | 477 USERS: C+
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"I'm Not Here. This Isn't Happening."

I don't know German, so I don't know when they're fucking with the subtitles, or if the girls are "acting" these lines, or a combo of both, but Susan shows up at her friend's apartment and announces in German that she's got a surprise for her. She points at Ashley. The girl freaks out as if she didn't know Ashley was coming, even though she had a camera crew inside of her apartment already. Ashley hugs her and says hello and as the girl goes to shut the door a light goes off in the hallway, making me think that perhaps Ashley just made an entrance through a bedroom or bathroom door instead of a real hallway. A blonde girl walks up and hugs Ashley. The subtitle tells us that one girl says to the other, "He's beautiful! How long can we keep him!" The girls are hugging, so I'm not buying it. They ask why the girl didn't bring the rest of O-Town. Susan leads the group into the sparse apartment and says that the rest of the band got away before she could grab them.

"Erik Estrada, International Chick Magnet." Erik appears to be walking down the staircase inside a record company or something. He turns the corner, prompting twenty or so girls to scream and start chasing him. Erik is sporting a denim jacket that was all the rage of my seventh-grade class. The best part of this episode is just how much music they're using that's not O-Town's. Erik runs in and out of the building with the girls chasing him. He takes the elevator; they take the stairs. He ditches them on another elevator and runs out the door.

"I'm Keeping Him" reads the next title card. More establishing shots of Germany, in case you forgot where we were. Ashley's kidnapper is still talking to her friends as a clueless Ashley sits nearby, grinning like a Cheshire cat. The subtitles tell us that Susan is bragging that she's never bringing Ashley back to his hotel. "He's so trusting!" the subtitle reads. "How cute!" Another blonde girl is brought into the room. This one can't be a day over ten. She's very happy to meet Ashley, and hugs him. She just keeps saying the word "Ashley" over and over as she walks up to him. It's very cute. He asks her name. She breathlessly tells him it's "Maria." She runs away to get something. Ashley tells the girls that he's lost. Susan is now speaking in English to her friends as Maria walks back up with an O-Town shirt. Ashley tries to sign it, but Susan explains that Maria wants him to take off his shirt and give her his so she can have something he's worn. Ashley is really the best sport in the world. He goes into the other room and changes shirts. He's not forced to wear an O-Town shirt around Germany, looking like a complete tool. Ashley's apologizing that he's got to leave. The subtitles tell us that Susan's saying she has other plans for him now. "She'll tell ya," Ashley says. Everyone says goodbye to him. Ashley tells Maria that his shirt's going to be too big for her. Not that big, Ash. You're about the size of a ten-year-old German girl. Ashley and Susan leave with the crew still inside the apartment. The girls jump up and down in celebration.

Making the Band

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