Making the Band
A Furor In Germany

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
"I'm Not Here. This Isn't Happening."

First of all, mad props to Stee, who pointed out that I didn't mention the choice Trevor line of last week. He said, when discussing the members of O-Town, "We may fight, we may have our tidbits...." I didn't even notice that. Their "tidbits."

Also, watching the Sunday morning version of the show allows you to see that last little teaser that The Hook-Up covers with video segments and ads. Last week, Trevor and his father played the saddest game of free-throws ever. Try to catch that, if you can.

Okay, now here we go. You have to know that every single second of this episode is completely scripted. The boys are obviously acting at every moment. They can't even start acting without all giving each other head signals that they are about to start acting. As a friend of mine says, "I've seen better acting in fast-actin' Tinactin." We start with a voice-over as we watch footage of fans cheering. We're told it's a "very special" night here on Making the Band. O-Town's going to be in Germany, and they've made a special "tribute film to their fans." We see the boys jump over fire hydrants while laughing at themselves. In the back, you can see someone telling Erik who the Beatles are.

After the credits, we're in a tiny movie theater house. The boys welcome us and tell us that they've always wanted to make a movie for their fans. See, you learn something new every day. Dan wins the Understatement of the Year Award by telling us that they're not going to win any awards for this film. Jacob mocks offense and says that the film is a masterpiece and their best work. It may, in fact, be the best song they've ever written, this film here. Ashley gives a stilted interruption, telling the powers that be to "roll the tape."

Go with me. I'm not making any of this up. I know that you're not watching the show anymore, and that I really have the power just to make up episodes and fake recaps, but this is actually what's happening. Grainy stock footage of Germany appears on a movie screen as the boys settle in to "watch" their "film." The title reads: "Mike and Mike present: Hamburg With Cheese." At least they're being honest. "A Film by O-Town." Well, not entirely honest. As the "credits" roll, we see still shots of the boys fooling around pretending to be the Beatles. Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" grooves on in the background, and I do find myself enjoying the music of Making the Band for the first time ever. Dan gets his butt pinched by a German girl. Jacob pretends to fight on a telephone. I see he got that ugly knit hat past customs. Erik does something like breakdancing, and falls to his knees as the other boys laugh at him. Trevor jumps a row of poles, proving that the boy has no nads whatsoever. He's also decided to bleach the tips of his 'fro blond. See, you would normally think I was kidding. I'm so sad that I'm not. The boys look around, but they can't find Ashley! Where's Ashley? Where could he be?! Oh, Ashley! You were just hiding in an alleyway, pretending to read the newspaper. You can't read, Ashley! Ashley gives us a quick "Shh!" which they've piped in over the silent montage. He then opens his arms wide in that "I didn't do it!" pose we've grown to know and mostly despise. The credits tell us that "The Euro-Babes of Germany" are also co-stars. Featuring "Susan," a cheap German actress we'll meet later; Rosemarie, a cheap German actress we'll hardly meet; Christin, a cheap German actress I've already forgotten; and Mrs. Petersilg as the foreign housewife.

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Making the Band




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