Shots of fans hugging O-Town, posing for pictures. Fans cheer and wave at us. Hamburg, Germany looks like a Mardi Gras party. "Wassup?" the title card reads. Silent Mike's in his uniform -- which works very well in Germany -- and announces to the boys that their friend Verner is there to help teach the boys a little German for their show. Verner would also like to be the little German in their show, and the little German they love with all their hearts. Jacob says the following words in this order: "Hey, Verner, listen. We were just tryin' to talk about tryin' to learn some German for the show." Keep tryin' the English first, Jake. Verner says it's a good idea, because it'll make the German fans respect them. You know, if O-Town could speak my native language, I'd probably respect them more, too. Ashley and Jacob ask to learn "What's up?" in German. It's something that sounds like "Vee-GETS." For some reason Verner decides to teach them how to say "I like oranges" in German. Jacob's still shouting "Vee-GETS," but now he's doing it like he's Smelly Soprano. Ashley wants to know how to say "My family is originally from Hamburg." That's something you just shout out during a concert, isn't it? Ashley tries to say the German translation, but Jacob just wants Verner to talk about big oranges again. Ashley tells Verner, "That's a perfect German lesson." Really?
Crowd-surfing. A fan holds up a sign that reads, "Dan, I want to be your liquid dream." Ick. And I don't think that sign was in Germany. The editors have fun with the subtitles, translating the fans so they say they're here for a Marilyn Manson show. Other girls are translated as saying they want to kill each other, or that they think they're crazy. One group of girls scream "Trevor," but the screen reads, "Jacob."
Backstage, Verner is still teaching Ashley how to say "Ashley" in German. Ashley has a cheat sheet so he can just read "My family is from Hamburg" when the time is just right. Ashley and Erik give each other hand signals that they're all right. The crowd screams and the boys take the stage.
"Every Six Seconds...Someone Faints" reads the title card. Girls scream as we watch grainy, hard-to-see footage of the boys performing. Jacob is so terribly off, he doesn't even do a turn when the rest of the boys do. The girls scream. Our cameraman has a very shitty seat way in the back next to the one girl who seems to know all of the words to the song. She's also wearing an American flag shirt, so I think something's a little rotten in Hamburg. We see Security pull out girl after fainted girl and drag her out of the audience. The last one is a very wee, very sweaty boy. The choreography has gone completely to hell during "Every Six Seconds," and really only Trevor and Dan are still even bothering. Jacob shouts out "Vee-Gets," and the girls scream. Ashley shouts in German that German girls are very beautiful. The girls scream. Apparently the word for "girl" in German is "girl." Girls in the audience snap illegal photos as they scream. Ashley then talks, and the subtitle reads, "My grandfather comes from big oranges!" Then the sound mixer has the crowd get very quiet and they cue a laugh track. We see a girl yawn, and someone makes a giant yawn noise, and it's like I'm watching America's Funniest Home Videos or something. We see another fan talk as the subtitle reads, "That blows! When we saw *NSYNC they spoke perfect German." Backstage, the boys tell Ashley that he said his grandfather came from big oranges. Ashley is fake shocked beyond fake belief. If you look over Silent Mike's turtlenecked shoulder, you can see Chris Farley dressed in his Chippendale's outfit standing in the corner. No, wait. The camera just changed angles as Dan calls Ashley "Dr. Smooth," and you can see it's clearly Meatloaf circa 1981. Ashley thinks he might be able to spin this fake mishap into his "thing," not unlike the Happy Dance. He says that every time he comes back to Germany, he can be from a different fruit. Eight jokes I can make off that last sentence. I'll let you pick your favorite.