Dan's feeling a little humble about the song "Yes or No": "The song would never have existed if it wasn't for me." He says that knowing that he wrote the song is giving him a "glow." It sure is. That Dan. Once he shaves off that gross stuff that grows only under his chin and around his neck, he might be something worth saving. That comes from my heart.
Ashley is trapped in a very bad high-school musical, and he's calling it "By Your Side." It's a horrible Diane Warren-wannabe song that makes my eyebrows hurt. Ashley has to hold on to his own head while he sings it, because the body's natural instinct when it hears the song is to expel the ears from the head. Ashley tells us that most writers "dream" about presenting songs to Clive Davis, and now they get an entire afternoon with him pitching songs for his approval. He says he has to take advantage of this huge opportunity. The sound mixer guy asks Ashley how old he is. Ashley says he's twenty. Tommy the Gay Sound Mixer flirts, "How'd you get so deep at twenty?" Ashley incorrectly answers: "I listen to Dr. Laura." The gay man then tells Ashley that he no longer likes him and promptly ignores Ashley for the rest of the session, no matter how many times Ashley tries to tell him that he was joking.
Erik's pretending to be Craig David in that annoying way that Craig David is physically unable to sing unless he's pointing at something. Then we get a torturous medley of all the boys practicing all of their songs at once in a messy edit where all I want to do is cry and stop recapping forever. The madness! Escalating! The music! Awful! Awful! The horror! The pain! No! No! Make it stop! Mother? Mother? Mother, I'm having a terrible nightmare and I'd like to wake up! O-Town! Imprisoning me! All that I see! Absolute horror! I cannot live! I cannot die! Trapped in my room! Recaps my holding cell! O-Town! Has taken my sight! Taken my speech! Taken my hearing! Taken my arms! Taken my legs! Taken my soul! Left me with life in hell! The segment ends with shots of palm trees followed by shots of cop cars, so I'm assuming that O-Town's neighbors have called the cops. And I thought the Osbournes would have made shitty neighbors...Ha. Then they have shots of ambulances and fire engines. I assume those have been called to assist me. Thank you, MTV, for thinking of my safety.