Adam, a freshman from the Dramatic Arts Academy in California, has the unfortunate fate of becoming Jacob. And how sad is it that they couldn't find five guys who wanted to become O-Town, so they had to pick five guys from the same school and pretend that three of them were from somewhere not-too-specific so we couldn't tell right away? And none of them is a day over fourteen, despite the deceptive facial hair.
And that's it for members of O-Town. Oh, sorry. I always forget Trevor. Tyson, a freshman from Diamond Bar High in California (and is that a strip club?) is going to put on Trevor's pants.
Speak to us your wisdom, FakeAshley: "I've been listening to O-Town for about like, two years now. And...almost every day." FakeAshley is so lonely, people. Lonely.
FakeJake? Your thoughts? "Their music makes me feel, like, good. It's not depressing music. It's just...uplifting. It's positive." What a tool. FakeJake's eyes constantly dart to the side as he says this, which means he's either reading this or is completely lying. I'll let you make the call.
Is PseudoErik capable of creating an Erikism? "I admire how O-Town was...was formed." "Admire"? What? You admire an audition that picked five guys to sing and dance to other people's stuff? I keep having to remind myself that these guys are twelve.
NotTrevor: "The fact that, I mean, they were on Making the Band and everything?" This is not a sentence, NotTrevor. It's not a question. This isn't even a complete thought. This isn't anything.
FakeAshley: "I started to watch the show and then I felt, like, I kinda grew with the group as they went on and they had to...go through their troubles, and stuff like that." Yeah, these poor boys are having to read these stupid lines. Nobody would say that. We've been watching three seasons now and we know that not one person has grown on, during, or because of this show.
Eric-Michel: "I dreamed about, you know, becoming a band like that, you know, and, and, that, that always interested me." Well, at least they talk as fluently as their counterparts.
Choreography lessons start at 8:36 AM. The choreographer is Swoop. He slaps everyone a five and some change. Hugging. Props. Ups. Dap. It's all good. UnErik realizes that Swoop once choreographed for "Making the Band." Poor O-Town, never getting their name out there. They should have just been named "Making the Band." UnErik freaks out like he's meeting Paula Abdul. Wait, no it's about the same amount of excitement as if any of us met Paula Abdul. It's the words "Oh, my God!" but we'd say them with much more sarcasm.