Making the Band
Becoming O-Town

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MTV Plays Lou Pearlman

Swoop finally figures out the TV/VCR combo, and the boys watch the video for "We Fit Together." Swoop says that Erik is first, but instead we see him teaching NotDan the all-important bendy-neck. "This video isn't really necessarily really 'dance-oriented,' it's just more about flow and just kind of just feeling the music and just, just moving to the music." As we can see, PseudoJacob is just as cruel to the English language as his "better half."

Swoop explains to BizarroTrevor that it's not really dancing, it's just having a "vibe." Then why call in a choreographer at all?

Misterik takes this all way too seriously: "Swoop is a great, great guy. Um. He knows all the moves. He's done choreography uh, for 'Liquid Dreams,' that stuff. But what he did with the video is he learned, all this, all the moves from the video just how they do it and where they hit, everything...perfect. And now he's teaching it to us and we're learning it. So. We're learning it pretty fast, and I think we're doing pretty good." During that monologue, we see Swoop teach FakeAshley how to bend forward from the hips repeatedly to imitate moving to a beat. FakeAshley looks like he's about to puke up a hairball.

Swoop brings in the poor girl who's going to have to pretend to be sexually attracted to this group of five pre-teens. The boys freak out, since they've never really been attracted to girls and they're not sure how they're supposed to act. Her name is Nikki. I'll skip the Prince jokes. Swoop explains to Nikki that there's going to be "a lot of Touchy-Feely and Freeness." Heh. Touchy-Feely and Freeness. I saw them open for P.M. Dawn back in '91. FakeDan gets a jolt of hormones racing through his new body and shouts out a syllable I can't understand at the thought of how free they're going to have to be with each other. It's so gross and sad.

Nikki dances like a stripper as the boys get lost in their own lip-synching. They can't stop touching themselves, so Nikki touches herself as well. They just about push her to the floor to avoid losing the main focus at any one point. As long as the boy can see himself in the mirror, he's happy. I'm happy to report that NotJacob is just as rhythmically talented as his counterpart. Swoop's earring is a razor blade. There's nothing more to say about that.

Swoop tells the boys that they are through with dance class for the day. I notice, in the background, a guitar half out of its case and a large rolling suitcase. Jesus, I'm glad we didn't end up with FakeJake singing "Meant For You" or some shit. In the background, we can see that it's four in the afternoon. Oh, man. Did it take them eight hours to learn how to mimic five boys standing still and bopping their heads to music? How dumb could these kids be? Swoop says, "So look. You guys are through for the day. Tomorrow we'll be meeting up and catching on to each other. Things are looking great today and I'll see you tomorrow." When you guys talk, do you string words together that form a complete opinion and go in an order that people can understand even if they aren't you? Why doesn't anybody on any reality show ever do that?

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Making the Band

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