Making the Band
Girlfriends Visit

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For Whom The Loin Roils

Since they spent last episode in relative obscurity, it's time to bring Ikaika and Paul back to the spotlight. Assuming we don't notice these things, the editors slap some heretofore unseen bits into the "previously" segment: the eight guys sit chatting at a table, at which time someone asks Ikaika if it's his first trip to the mainland. He pretends he's offended. Jacob nods as though it's normal for him to wear a beret, and Paul chips in that he thinks Ikaika's gullible and "not all there." This reminds us that we are right to laugh at Ikaika, and all Hawaiians, because they're not from a contiguous state. Then, back to Episode II territory, where Ikaika tells Bryan he doesn't "vibe" with the other six, especially Paul. Next, Paul tells us he and Heather have a "flirtations bond," but that his Mississippi girlfriend Carrah is everything a guy could want. He loves her to death, Paul says, as we see shots of her basically feeding him her lower lip. The screen splits, and as Paul embraces Carrah, we see the scene with Heather where he teases her with a cherry. Carrah's coming to visit, Paul says. "Oh, forget it. They're so over," predicts my friend Dan. Paul turns toward the screen and grins, "No way. I'm the master juggler. I invented juggling. Watch and learn."

This show is less about eight guys, and more about Paul's passion (for girls), Paul's sacrifice (staying celibate for two episodes) and Paul's dreams (of nubile young female groupies). They should change the credits to reflect this.

Trevor is nervous. Again. Apparently, he's desperate to make the cut, and it dawns on me just how pathetic one person can be -- his life dream involves Lou Pearlman, for God's sake. Whatever the result, there will be therapy. The guys practice harmonies with Mini-Lou, singing Love Potion No. 9, and then the guys rehearse the dancing. Ashley actually hops into the confessional to tell us Trevor's by far the best among them, which is nothing we haven't heard before but it's just nice that Ash is participating like a good little guinea-pig. Erik says he's struggling to "feel the vibe," despite having "felt" three people six times last week. Paul admits he constantly compares himself to the other seven, "sizing them up" to help measure his own performance. Trevor stares right at the camera and says he thinks the fifth spot will be a toss-up between him and Erik. Cut to the guys closing out "Love Potion No. 9," and TyJuan -- a human love potion sprawled in the corner, looking frisky in neon orange -- says it's getting better, but still has a long way to go.

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Making the Band

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