Trevor's next. Just a shot of a cheerleader doing a basket toss. Shallow Trevor eats it up. Applause, bad t-shirt, moving on.

Ashley explains it all for us again -- how they have to pick three girls who are going to compete to win a date from a radio station. In case you accidentally missed the first three minutes of the episode.

Montage of auditioners commences. Shot of an ass right up to the camera. She's wearing panties that say "O-Town" on them. She rolls her ass in a circle to "All For Love." I'm sure she gets a callback, and I'm sure it's with Trevor.

Scary Blonde Chick sings a scary tune with her frightful eyebrows. She's wearing some kind of long pink dress and stands before ivy bent into a heart shape. They edit in the boys applauding, but you know it was for another auditioner.

Three girls dance to that "Breakin' of the Dawn" song. Ashley smiles. I pause and leave Ashley's face on my television like a screensaver while I get another cup of coffee. Which cup, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. It's my third. I now require three full cups of coffee to do a recap of Making the Band. I also need to state right here that I'm sorry I was so generous with my praise in the first episode of the season. I had such high hopes. I should have kept my mouth shut and reserved judgement for a couple of episodes. Because I can't believe how bad all this has gotten. I also should tell you that I've talked with more than one person who works for or with this show, and they all tell me that the episodes get better by the end of the season. So, for what it's worth, maybe we're watching all of these shitty episodes for a naked Ashley at the end of the rainbow. Sip the coffee, feel the caffeine, move on.

Liz, who is twenty-one and a UNLV student, tells the camera that she'd like to go out with Dan. She's even made a collage, so you know she's serious. Dan is stunned into mouth-gaping silence.

Ashley comments that it looks like the girls went to a lot of trouble.

Okay. There's a blonde sitting at the bottom of some steps. She's drawn out stick figures on pieces of paper, and she's using them as instructional tools. Her lesson? (a) She wants to date Jacob. (b) So she can spank his booty. This girl will say the word "booty" about a million times this episode, and it will never become endearing. She also says the word "booty" like she's trying to say it with a different accent. Dan is confused. Ashley is disgusted. This girl has drawn on her paper a symbol that looks like this: ( | ) "That's his booty, right there," she says. The next picture: "That's me spankin' his booty." The boys all laugh. "I wanna spank his booty real hard," she smiles. Jacob is intrigued. I'm feeling a bit sick.