Dan and Hilary are bowling. Snore. The alley is pretty empty, and those who are there aren't interested at all in Dan's bowling skills. Hilary's tag is sticking out of her jeans. She bowls a strike. Dan is impressed. He gives himself the sexist pep talk: "Don't lose to a girl." Oh, wait. Did he mean his virginity? Dan bowls a big, smelly gutterball. Hilary rejoices. Dan is frustrated and then they zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Trevor reminds us that his date is a cheerleader. She's flexible and athletic. So they go indoor skydiving. We see footage of people who can actually do this, and they try to make us think it's Trevor and his date. It's just impressive footage of a total stranger, though, so I don't have to recap it.
Ashley tells us he has no clue what *~~TaMmiE~~* is going to come up with for their date, but he's pretty sure it'll be "interesting." Ashley steps out of his limo as church bells sound and choir music starts up. There, at the end of the parking lot, is *~~TaMmiE~~* wearing nothing but a wedding dress. It's her dream date, you see, to marry Ashley. He's got his head cocked to the side as he asks, "*~~TaMmiE~~*?" *~~TaMmiE~~* very calmly states, "Well, my dream date is to marry you, so here we are." At the Graceland Wedding Chapel. Ashley then laughs. He tries to compliment *~~TaMmiE~~*, but it comes out, "You look, uh...you're all dressed in white!" He says that he's underdressed. *~~TaMmiE~~* says they'll fix that. She says it's a wedding, so they have to go "all out." Ashley tries not to touch *~~TaMmiE~~* as they walk into the chapel. "Wow" is all Ashley can think to say. "This isn't for real, right?" he asks. "No, don't worry," *~~TaMmiE~~* says. "Just trust me. Just trust me." I love it.
Inside the chapel, Ashley and *~~TaMmiE~~* are asked to sign a "commitment certificate." Ashley puts on the brakes. "Trust me, trust me," *~~TaMmiE~~* whispers. "This is a real chapel," Ashley whispers back. *~~TaMmiE~~* says that it is. "That's a real wedding dress," Ashley notes. Ashley says he's not supposed to sign anything and that Mike on the Mike would kill him if he signed a piece of paper. *~~TaMmiE~~* promises that she had the paper checked out with Mike on the Mike and that they told Ashley to "do it." She says the certificate is for her scrapbook. The lady behind the chapel counter is impressed with *~~TaMmiE~~*'s Vegas-talking skills. *~~TaMmiE~~* says she has to have "documents" of what happened or nobody would believe her. You know, because MTV only airs this episode once late at night. Ashley signs the paper.