Last time, Lou finally cleared up the mystery surrounding Mike and Bryan: They were included so they could be cut. Taking stock of events, it all really makes sense. No one's cutting Ashley, not with that name and face, and Trevor couldn't get axed because he's the sentimental favorite. Jacob's been crooning since he was but a glint in his father's eye, which makes him really valuable, because O-Town's first album includes a stirring remake of "I'm a Little Teapot." Alas, nothing explains Erik-Michael -- well, actually, he wins the "I owe my impending fame to Paul" award. So like I said, someone had to get cut, and Heaven forbid it should be the least reliable and emotionally stable cast member (Hello, Ikaika!). Lou, ever the diplomat, explained to the guys that The Big Cut shouldn't be interpreted as five people winning and two losing. Instead, Lou says it's just a case where five guys get to form a group, and two can move on to other opportunities -- which, if I heard that correctly, in fact makes two winners and five losers. In a subplot, Ashley and Shelli sowed the seeds of their relationship's destruction -- she admits she'd prayed he wouldn't get it so he'd come back to her in California. When he finally puts two thousand and two thousand together -- as in, miles -- a light bulb flickers on above Ashley's head, and he tells us he understands why long-distance relationships are hard.

Mike and Bryan aren't even gone yet, and the producers already excised them from the credits. Must've been a "put out or get out" situation. Instead of ogling Mike one last time, we're treated to a shot of Jacob, shirtless and singing in an official-looking venue. I'm guessing O-Town's reduced to gigs at Chippendale's.

In the living room, Trevor is bawling, having just learned he's stuck with Lou Pearlman for another decade. I'd be crying too -- crying all the way to the bottom of a tequila bottle. Erik, being clutched by Trevor, tells us he wanted all seven guys in the group, but Trevor's special because he "puts his heart into everything he does, and he wanted it so bad." Bryan graciously says to the camera that he is truly thrilled for everyone. "The five guys that were chosen were the five that were meant to be chosen, and I'm so happy to have known them," he says. More hugging, more tears, more nausea. Bryan whips out his camera and takes photos of the five bandmates. These pictures will go in the "Before" album. The "After" album, filled with shots from, oh, later this year, will contain pictures from the bar mitzvah that books O-Town only when the Captain and Tenille back out last-minute. For now, though, the group stands in a circle, arms across each other's shoulders. Lou takes up about one-third of the space. "I wanna be proud of all of you," Mike says. "I'll be watching and praying for every one of you." And as Lou's outreached arm (spanning three guys) grips and re-grips Mike's arm, Mike suddenly understands that even devout worship can't save his friends from Touchy McFeely. Ashley appreciates Mike and Bryan's stoicism. "They're bigger men than us," Ashley says. "They wanted to cry, and didn't…they wanted us to enjoy our moment." As we hear this, the camera catches Bryan winking at Jacob. Bryan must have just said, "You know, I really thought I was going to make it," and then given the ocular equivalent of a resounding, "Not!" In the Circle of Doom, all seven guys and Lou put their hands in the center and shout, "One…Two…Three…O-Town!"