Making the Band
Goodbye Friends

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Two Winners, Five Losers?

Two sponsors. Two. I need a longer break than that, people. Are you listening, ABC?

Later, en route to the studio, Ashley says it's suddenly hitting him hard that he's essentially married to the four people sitting next to him. Ikaika stares straight ahead, serious, wondering how Malia feels about bigamy. "These are the people we're gonna see now," intones Erik, who's steering the Man Van. "We're gonna be one. We're gonna totally be a group." He is a quick study.

The guys encircle a conference table and face Jay. "Everything changed last night," he says. "Congratulations." The pleasantries end there. Jay preps the guys for what he thinks will be the toughest reality. "The five of you decided you want to be famous," Jay says, smirking. "Your families didn't." Ikaika's head twitches. "Mine did," he thinks. Jay insists that all the families need to change their telephone numbers immediately. "My family's had the same phone number for twenty-two years," marvels Trevor, as though they're incapable of memorizing seven more digits. Jacob's confessional scene informs us that he's trying hard to stay grounded, and prepare himself for the onslaught of fame and fortune. He's steeling his moral resolve, to help him cling to what's really important in life. Or he's jonesing for screen time by waxing virtuous. "I just hope the band as a whole can remember that," Jacob says of his "stay grounded" plan. Because if he's gonna eschew a lifelong solo career so he can sing with four others, then they'd better mold themselves in his image. Jay talks about the public's perceived right-to-know, deeming it out of control. He then lowers the boom one more time. "I'll never ask you not to have a girlfriend," Jay tells the wide-eyed guys. Ikaika twitches again. "But I defy any of you to be able to keep one," Jay concludes. Cut to a nodding Ashley. Gosh, could he and Shelli be in trouble?

"I am like nooooot going to be able to do this," whines Shelli. "It's going to be soooo hard for me and it's not going to work." Shelli's call-waiting beeps. It's Norman Vincent Peale. "What the fuck is this?" he rants. "Did I stutter? Power. Of. Positive. Thinking. Come ON, dammit!" Ashley's preoccupied with whether Shelli's issuing an ultimatum, which of course she is, despite her lame attempts at denial. The confessional scenes are freshly shot, and it's clear Ashley's been dressed and done up by a professional. He's sporting spiky hair standing straight up, and some funky-ass eye makeup. "Shelli needs attention in a relationship," he informs us. "And now more than ever, I have less personal time." The two of them go back and forth in a tedious semi-fight that's hard to follow because they're so vague. Shelli mutters something about being unable to stay in Redding (Calif.) any longer, and then seems to think Ashley's adherence to his O-Town dream is some kind of rejection. "I kneeeeew you'd change your miiiiiiind," Shelli complains. She makes me sorry vowels were ever invented. "If that's what you want, that's what'll happen and you'll forget about what I want," she finishes, lamely. At this point, I'm not even totally sure what they're talking about, because the editors sacrificed coherence for brevity. An unfair trade. They hang up, with Ashley lamenting his inability to change the subject and stem the tide of arguments.

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Making the Band

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