Making the Band
Jacob's Hits…Or Misses

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O-No!

Jacob calls up Janie and asks her to come visit him. He tells us that she inspires him. He adds: "And also relieves so much. It gets so stressful in there." Everybody's releasing things this episode. He says she's his partner and he needs her, so we see a shot of a plane flying overhead so we know Janie got on the next plane to Orlando.

Montage of good Christian times over Michelle Branch singing. Janie and Jacob skate. They clutch hands and start their prayer class. Jacob reads from John 18:36. Jacob says, "Janie shares something with me that nobody does in the fact that we grew up together." Perhaps your family might share that trait with you as well, Jacob. We see old pictures of the two of them through Jacob's many bad hair choices. Jacob says, "So, to have a person that understands your morals and understands you need to pray every day. And she keeps me accountable because you don't always want to do those things, I'll be honest." Jacob then reads from his Bible, but has a hard time pronouncing the word "cometh." He uses a silent "e" on that. He reads a section that says, "For the kingdom of God is within you." Janie says, "Yeah. God is just saying it's within you is my kingdom of heaven." Wow. She really sees into the Word, doesn't she? "It's not about works which we always get confused about, I think." Janie and Jacob have their own strange language. And their Bibles look like workbooks.

Jacob sings his new song to Janie. One of the lines is "What's so important about this life if I have another?" I'm pretty sure this Christian song is fixing to blast some Buddhists. Janie says she likes the song. Jacob asks whether she thinks it's too serious. Janie's mouth says no, but her face clearly says, "Uh, yeah. You are not Cat Stevens, buddy." Jacob says that Janie's opinion is very valuable to him. Janie tells her that he'll never know unless he finishes writing it. Jacob tells us, "I trust her more so than record executives or writers." This kid's gonna go far, I tell you. Girls, when O-Town breaks up, you know who your Yoko is.

Silent Mike's in his black turtleneck listening to Jacob whine that his record company doesn't have the same taste in music he does. "Always the artist, right?" Mike says when Jacob's finished bitching, but it doesn't really make any sense for him to say that. Jacob's complaining that he has to write songs that sound exactly like the songs they've already performed and that the group isn't growing. Silent Mike says that Jacob's probably not going to change pop music. "To be the band that does that is a big step," he says. "The Beatles did it. You know, Led Zeppelin did it." Jacob concludes, "I know that this band has more to offer." Jacob, don't you guys think you've done enough damage already? More importantly, did I miss the album where Led Zeppelin was a pop group? Mike continues covering Jacob in bullshit by telling him that J Records thought they signed a boy band and are now shocked to find that they've got artists. Artists who make "major contributions" to their albums, play their own instruments, write their own songs, have musical backgrounds, write good songs, and are musical gods in their own minds. Jacob uses a sentence including the words "determination" and "passion." His new plan is just to keep playing Clive songs he doesn't want to hear until he breaks down and lets Jacob have one crappy song so that he doesn't have to bear the torture anymore. I used to do this tactic with my mom. It's called the "PLEEEEEEEEEASE, MOOOOOMMMMMY?" technique, where you just whine the same two words over and over again until you get what you want. It always worked for my sister. With me, it just got a spanking. Which one will Jacob get? Let's find out!

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Making the Band

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