Wow. After a surprisingly entertaining first episode this season, O-Town counters with this absolutely pointless one. I have to learn to not get too excited after just one episode. Here we go.
Ashley reminds us that their Britney show was awesome. This time, however, he says they were only kicking "butt." "Everything is flowing," he tells us, as we watch Ashley slam his fists into his pelvis as he repeatedly thrusts his crotch toward the audience. We see shots of the crowd cheering for Britney.
Close-up on the doorknob. It turns. The door opens. It's Trevor. Are we having a surprise party for Trevor? What's with the doorknob close-up? The boys all congratulate themselves on an ass-kicking show, except Dan, who admits that it wasn't all that great. The boys don't listen to Dan. Silent Mike walks in and tells the guys that the choreography was sloppy. Cue the sad music as the boys laugh that they'll never please Mike on the Mike. Silent Mike hikes up his sleeves and holds up a videotape. He reforms his opinion on the choreography, changing his wording from "a little bit sloppy" to "very, very sloppy." He says he's going to schedule some choreography rehearsals with Ed. The boys aren't really listening at this point. I'm not either, because most of them have their shirts off.
Tour bus. The boys are watching the videotape of the show. Jacob's pretending to be the best dancer, saying who's got "sloppy" arms and shit. I love how he's only watching everyone else's mistakes, thinking what he's doing are the right moves. And while I'm on the subject of Jacob, last night I got to thinking: is it the record company making him look like that? Because I know when you sign a contract, the label starts dictating how you look. Do you think the label actually wants Jacob to look that skanky? I mean, the bolts in the earlobes, the elbow tattoos, the hair that looks like some kind of sea anemone? Are these things all on purpose? Is he "carefully crafted" to win some tween's heart? Because I don't get it. I don't know who would find Jacob to be the sexiest. You can't run your hands over anything Jacob. You could get scabies. The boys all start pointing and laughing at the tape of Ashley breaking into this run-walk move he does where his hands are up by his ears and he looks like he's surprised to take his first steps. Ashley dubs this "The Happy Dance," and convinces himself that this could be his signature move. No, Ashley. Your move is "The Naked Dance." Now get on it.