What the hell does this have to do with the making of a boy band? And is this the first commercial break? Why does MTV hate me so much?

Jacob starts by thanking all of the finalists, telling them that they know exactly how the finalists feel. We get another flashback to the boys waiting to find out whether they are finalists, all in black-and-white with just as much missing tension. J.D. is the winner. He tells us that he was shocked when they said his name. He tells us that it feels "awesome" to be the winner. We see J.D. try to hug Jacob without actually touching him. J.D. tells us a few times that he doesn't know how to say what he feels because he doesn't know what to say. He didn't expect this because he didn't expect it.

Some kind of Royal Tenenbaums rip-off music plays as the title reads "Life With O-Town: Day One." J.D. casually knocks on the front door of O-Town Manor. The boys welcome him into the living room with more hugs. J.D. admits to us that he doesn't think he's doing a good job of playing it cool. There's an awkward couch/coffee table introduction thing that ends with Ashley shaking his head thinking, "Why is this douche in our house for a week? When does the madness end?"

Does Trevor have a cold? Why does his voice sound like he doesn't have a nose? The boys are back in the rehearsal room with Ed doing the same "something, something, move, move, move" routine as last week. Either we're watching the same footage, or Trevor and Jacob are really having a hard time with the rodeo move where they slap an imaginary girl's ass. J.D. watches. Jacob tells us that Ed is good for "morale," which must be code for "dancing." Jacob says you can tell the difference after they work with Ed. J.D. mimes the moves in his seat, hoping for his big break.

"Life with O-Town: Day Two." Are you all having fun yet? Wake up. In the kitchen, our eyes are tortured with images of half-naked Jacob, who sports way too many tattoos. J.D. informs the boys that there are girls who follow them around, and who were outside the Orlando auditions. In this totally fake moment, J.D. "interviews" the "fans" and asks them "questions" about their "love" of "O-Town." The girls say that to be in their club you can't be a "teenybopper" and cry when you see O-Town. J.D. gives a weird knowing look that comes straight from the porn he's going to shoot next year. These girls are way too old to be O-Town fans. One girl explains the difference between being a fan and being a teenybopper. From the constant barrage of differences they shout out, the only thing that seems to set them apart is crying. We go to a split-screen so that the editing crew can make an inside joke to us: "This year's fan was last year's teenybopper." J.D. asks Erik whether it's weird to have those fans. Jacob says it was weird for a while, but that if he had the opportunity just to sit and chill and watch one of his favorite bands rehearse, he'd think it was pretty cool. I don't think Jacob understood the question. Erik did, however, and explains that it's pretty cool to have hot girls running and screaming for him everywhere. Jacob excuses himself from the conversation. Erik's voice gets all serious as he says, "They're thirteen and fourteen, you know?" J.D.'s all, "Right, right? But did you fuck them?" He goes, "Really?" and without skipping a second, Erik goes, "No, actually, that's a lie." Because Erik has fucked them, and he can't admit to having that much underage sex here on MTV's new Hook-Up. He has to save that for his episode of Dismissed.