Making the Band
MTV Concert

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This is The End

Previously on Making the Band: ten hours of footage culled from months of tape. Lou Pearlman grabbed twenty-five wannabes from almost two-thousand desperate geeks and dragged them through a weekend-long audition. Seventeen of them wept to Erik-Michael's victorious rendition of "Amazing Grace" because they couldn't believe that sad sack of an orator made it instead of getting arrested for his crimes against the lexicon. Fast-forward to the O-Town selection process. "Three people have to go home, and I don't want to be one of the three," Trevor once said. Was he cut? I can't remember. It's been so long since he had consequence. Ashley reminds us O-Town didn't always gel, and Jacob thoughtfully shares with Ikaika that he won't trust his career in the hands of a rotten pineapple. TyJuan got mad; Trevor danced. The two things might be related. Jay yelled. Marc urged Jacob to take the reins. "You'd better make me proud," a rejected Mike told O-Town. "I'll be watching you." Ikaika quit, and Ashley got revisionist when he pretended Ikaika never once, not for a minute, fit the pseudo-family. Lou said that Dan was the only one who could fill Ikaika's shoes, conveniently pretending that the camera didn't catch him secretly auditioning two hunky hopefuls. That process included learning The Sacred Trans Con Underwear Dance, followed by a removal of the shirts and the ceremonial Buffing of the Bald-Headed Billionaire by two pre-buffed babes. "Ikaika was great, but Dan was supposed to be here," Trevor grins. Lou rails on them for not being perfect; Jacob bitches that the pressure's turned up and it's not good for his complexion, never mind the fact that it makes his hair frizzy.

Roll the credits for the last time this season. Each cast member stares at the camera, desperately seeking a facial expression that conveys his inner depth and spirit. Ashley looks pretty, thinking, "Maybe I'm born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline." Erik to look sultry and pouty. "Thank God this show is Done. Over. Serious," he tells himself. "Because it always taked a long time to put lipstick on this sexual mound of tissue I call my mouth." Dan just looks like he's trying not to show his teeth. "I brought plenty of underwear, but I left the tags on in case this doesn't work out," he is saying with his eyes. "Don't tell Hanes." Trevor just looks morose and mournful. "Don't cry, don't cry," he is thinking. "I know Cat Fancy cancelled my cover shoot because I'm not really feline, but...just don't cry." Jacob stares into the screen, then gives a cocky laugh. "When I was five, I wrote a song about all you ladies," he is conveying. "It's called 'Everybody Wants to Be...Closer to Me.' It's poignant AND true." Goodbye, lads.

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Making the Band

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