Making the Band
New Year's Eve

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Mr. Pearlman and the Rats of N.I.M.H.

Man Van 2000 is a grim place filled with scowling people. "I don't think you have any room to talk," Jay tells Mike, who's obviously been mouthing off again. Everyone stares mutely and mulishly out the windows. "I think you guys had a really bad night, actually," Jay says, pushing the envelope and then kicking it off a cliff for good measure. "A really bad night." Ashley retorts, "You think?" so Jay can retort, "Yeah!" Mike thinks, "Asshole." Jay thinks, "I know you are, but what am I?" Jacob just thinks, which is a vast improvement over actually opening his mouth.

Time for another fireside chat. Jay gathers the troops in the living room and lays into them as Ranger Marc stoically stands by, ready to pipe up at any moment. "Do you trust me?...Did we ask you not to do things? Did you tell us we were wrong? Did you do things we asked you not to do?" Jay badgers them. Helpfully, Ranger Marc notes, "Dancing on the stage was not cool. Not cool." Jay complains that, after spending so much time setting goals for the night, no one met any of them. "What else is new?" sighs Ranger Marc, an old hand at this House Bitch gig. Next, Jay lays into them for acting like the stars they blatantly aren't. Irritated, Trevor defends their actions by reminding Jay it happened right after midnight, when the rest of the world and probably all the bigger celebrities in the room were also going a little nuts. And, let's face it, all the camera-wielders were watching more famous faces and not checking out the little posse of six from Lou Pearlman's studio. Loosening his grip on reality, Jay puts a scenario to Trevor: If the band wins a VMA (a music award, I assume) and goes out to celebrate, gets drunk and does or says something stupid that hits the tabloids, they'll damn well need Jay and the Trans Con press people. "Tonight it wasn't even that," Jay says. "It was just New Year's." Trevor is incredulous. "JUST New Year's? Think about what you're saying." Has he not done this before? The white tux might've had symbolism after all -- Trev's acting like a New Year's Eve virgin who just popped the midnight cherry and then got busted by his parents for breaking curfew.

Jay tries involving other guys in the debate, but Trevor keeps trucking. "I was Trevor Penick tonight. T-R-E-V-O-R. I was Trevor." Softly, the Ranger says, "You guys cannot be yourselves at this point," which shocks Mike. Jacob cradles his head in his hands, and everyone is silent as Trevor and occasionally Mike speak their minds. Jay tells them he's perturbed, because six people he likes and knows well, and thinks are talented, acted stupid and rude. "I liked the T-R-E-V-O-R I saw until tonight, when I said 'Trevor, you have to go,' and you thought you knew better than I." Later, after the first meeting has dissolved, Trevor makes one final plea. He says he's sure no one "on the outside" thought ill of them after the night's events. "I saw Trevor start to argue, I saw Jay get mad and I walked away," Jacob says in voice-over. Jay tells Ashley and Trevor that he wants the guys to think of five words they want associated with their image as a band, then think of five more words that describe the impression they left on people that night. "Those are two totally different things, Jay," Trevor says, exasperated. "Exactly," Jay nods sagely. Oh, Jay, you slayer.

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Making the Band

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