Sad news for O-Town groupies. ABC pulled the May 5 episode of Making the Band, and although it swears the show will return after sweeps end... well, look what happened -- or didn't happen -- to Wasteland. So absorb the emotional turmoil, revel in it, get lost in Erik-Michael's lips and get one last wave of nausea when you see Lou. You know, just in case. And I'd like to send a shout out to Omar G for a fan-fucking-tastic recap of the ill-conceived ABC special that tells the story of Jesus -- in claymation. It brings The Bible one step closer to being The Nightmare Before Christmas. And that's good, right?

As usual, the pre-credits sequence tips us off that this will be an episode centering on Ikaika and Ashley, juxtaposing two dissimilar family situations. There are social morals here, folks, brewed fresh and Bunim-Murray style -- so, laced with arsenic. Drink 'em down. Mrs. Angel, who we shall call Paula since that's her name, hugs Ashley outside their home in Redding, California, in footage shot before Ashley left for Orlando. She talks about feeling strange because he's moving cross-country, and in voice-over, Ashley says how really proud she is of him. His stepfather, is another story -- Ash hints that he auditioned for O-Town in secret. And look, Ikaika's under the table again, meaning he's joined at the ear with Malia. "I love you insanely," Malia says. Sounds like a pretty fair assessment of their relationship. Again, Ikaika reminds us that "Malia really doesn't like cameras, but she's willing to like deal with it."

Discussing the guys with his music-training minions, Lou sits at a round table -- or sits, round, at a table -- and talks about Ikaika, because that's the key to getting screen time. "Ikaika doesn't know what he wants," Lou shares. The boy wants Malia, he wants to be a doctor, he wants to play doctor with Malia, he wants to wear another "Worst Guy" t-shirt. But he also wants to sing, and since that requires actually leaving the homeland once in a while, it poses a real quandary. "He came to the audition because his dad mentioned it on the radio," Lou points out. "He's still trying to figure out where it's at." Maybe, but I hear he's got two turntables and a microphone. Lou signals for the editors to roll credits, so viewers don't see the Jaws of Life prying him from his armchair.

The episode opens with exterior shots of the house, a split-level place with palm trees and flowers cropping up everywhere. The effect is very Golden Girls, but without the promise of seeing Blanche Dorothy, Rose and Sophia on another collision course with wackiness. The camera takes us inside. "There's times when it's really good, and times when people rub each other the wrong way," Ashley tells Ikaika -- but, enough about orgies. Ikaika wants to talk about his personal conflict, saying he misses home (no!) and hasn't had much fun out there in Orlando. "That's what sucks about it, I have no concrete emotions about it right now," Ikaika says, explaining the epic love-it-hate-it tug-of-war that's tearing up his heart. Ashley comments in the confessional that Ikaika seems to have an internal struggle going on, which would be true if "internal" meant "embarrassingly public." Ash says the struggle is even tougher for Ikaika because it hits him at unexpected times -- like, say, during dance practice, when he's on the phone with Malia, when she comes to visit, when he's sitting on his bed, when he's sitting in the studio rec room, when he's in the kitchen, when he's moving, or when he's inert. Ikaika cuts into my train of thought. "I want to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons," he whines. "Everything I did was for myself...and my family." We learn that his family told him to do it for them, and the pressure weighs on Ikaika's mind. Ashley, on the other hand, has two reasons for pursuing this O-Town career: He loves music and wants to make a living at it, and wants the financial means to take care of his loved ones. "But dude, you can seriously come talk to me any time you ever feel anything," Ashley offers, tearing open Pandora's Box with his teeth and shaking it to make sure all the contents come out. "Thanks. I have to talk to SOMEbody," Ikaika condescends, "and you have a lot of insight for an eighteen-year-old." Ashley flips Ikaika off and tells him to go hump a llama.