Making the Band

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A | Grade It Now!
Ashley and Trevor Cry Themselves to Sleep

Ashley takes Shrilli to Brio. According to Yahoo! Maps, the Brio Tuscan Grill is in Winter Park, FL. Man, poor Ashley with his bad directions. They can't even find a good restaurant in Hollywood. Or Minneapolis. Ashley tells us that he's always had a fantasy of taking Shrilli out on a date. He says he's starting to view her as "more than just a friend" again.

Ashley asks the waiter whether they make Shirley Temples. The waiter's like, "You mean soda with cherry juice in it? I'll see what I can do, kid." Ashley orders the Shirley Temple with some water. Nice baseball shirt for the date, too, asshole. Buy a suit. Ashley tells us that Shrilli was the first girl he ever fell in love with. They laugh behind a menu, both inappropriate. Yahoo! Maps makes this restaurant look like it's inside the Winter Park Mall. I'll bet it is. Ashley says that perhaps he met Shrilli for a reason, and that "maybe" she's supposed to stay a part of his life.

And now, tender scenes from a short play titled, I'm So Fucking Sure:

Shrilli: Do you feel like we gave up? Like, being together?
Ashley: Gave up trying? Honestly, I don't...[ eats bread]
Shrilli: There was a point where I felt like you'd never let me go, and then to hear you say those words just totally killed a part of me and it was just like having you die, like...
Ashley: It's a bad time to remember for the both of us, you know what I mean?
[Pause. Shrilli looks unconvinced.]
Shrilli: Um hmmmmm.

It's a perfect "um hmmmm" that says, "Whatever, asshole," and I can't do it justice here. Ashley bullshits and blah-blahs about making this their first date, when everything can start over new, and all bad feelings will just go away, and the past is the past. The closed captioning isn't working here, because the conversations at all of the other tables in the restaurant are much more engaging. They toast with iced teas.

In the mall parking lot, Ashley flirts with Shrilli and tells us how much he totally digs Shrilli again. What an ass. He says he misses having a relationship. He likes being out on a date. They kiss in the lot, without any kind of tongue. Shrilli almost tries to pull off Ashley's jacket that she's got draped over her shoulders.

Oh. My. God. Shrilli's inside her mini-van and Ashley's on the other side of the closed window, and he's asking her whether it's okay that he just kissed her. Shrilli sounds like she's suffocating inside the glass, like when you leave a dog inside your car to go buy a Diet Coke, and she's all, "Uh huh!" He asks whether she liked it as much as he just did. Shrilli says, "Yeah," like a little kid lying so that she doesn't get in trouble with Mommy. Then, the dumbest thing I've ever seen: Ashley fogs up his side of the window and draws a heart with his finger and Shrilli does the same thing on her side of the window. So stupid. So fake. I hope Shrilli's getting paid for this stint. Fade to stupid commercial. God, that was so bad, people. Djb, Heathen, how did you last so long? Wait a minute. Djb recapped like, ten minutes of this season and Heathen totally quit. I'm so stupid. I'm the Shrilli. I'm the Shrilli!

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Making the Band




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