Making the Band
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Jacob's Ladder -- The Quest To Get Over Himself

Sorry that this recap took longer than usual, but when I realized in this Ashley-centric episode for the first time that Ashley's last name is, in fact, "Angel," I had to lie down for a very long time. It's so not right.

Previously on Making the Band: Like. Ashley's dad hated him. Shrilli wouldn't "be with" him anymore. Like. Ashley cried in a hallway. Jacob didn't want to be a backup dancer and thought his music isn't art. He wants to be an artist. I say let the boy paint, then. Save my ears the trouble.

From the tour bus, Ashley gives his mom a call. She sounds like a member of the Lollipop Guild. Ashley says that he's been trying to call all morning, but that nobody picks up. Ashley's mom stalls, asking him what time he called, so she can figure out an excuse. It's called "Caller ID," Ash. Sorry your parents hate you, but they do. As Ashley tells his mother his arrival time in Redding, he tells us that his family has been very supportive, except his dad. Ashley asks his mother whether his dad might be able to meet him at the airport as well. Ashley's mother is a horrible liar: "You know what? I was gonna say he's got...something going on that he, that he already made a commitment that he's already got to be someplace else." Ashley says the word "like" about seventeen times to say that he feels that home is starting to slip away because he's so busy and nobody really has time for him. Ashley's mom spins some sort of wisdom without saying anything, just like her son: "Oh. You know, it seems like one thing's for sure. Things are always changing, like, you have to move forward. You have to keep changing." Translation: we changed the locks and rented out your room, kid. You can't go home again.

Jacob, who's not really in the band anymore, paints his fingernails black and silver and then calls his friend Pat. Through the phone we hear Pat compliment Jacob's hair, so we know that Pat's a total moron as well. Jacob tells us that Pat is the guitarist for Jacob's old band. Jacob had a band before O-Town. Some fun facts that I know only keep me up late at night, tossing and turning, fearing the future of music. It's white do-rag day for Jacob. I wonder how many bandannas these kids have. Jacob tells us: "I was about eighteen when we started writing music together." He's like, nineteen now, right? Just checking. "And we really got each other. We wrote about things we mutually liked. Songs just happened for us." Clearly they used to date. Oh, God. Jacob's "plan" is to invite Pat to see a show on the tour and then invite Pat onstage so that he and Jacob can do one of their old songs together. Do these kids really think that their fans will put up with anything? This is not Tom Petty and Axl Rose doing "Free Fallin'." This is a horrible idea. Jacob lies to Pat on the phone and says, "Well, dude, this could be huge for both of us." We hear Jacob talking, but they show a shot of him listening as he tells Pat they could do a "collaboration of some songs" to put together to give to "the right dude." Jacob asks whether Pat's up for it. Here's the reply we hear over the phone as Jacob smiles, licks his lips and blushes: "Am I up for it, dude? I...I wanna...Dude. I like -- every day, dude. I just like -- Dude. I wanna work with Jacob. Dude." Jacob says that every day he needs to write music. God, I hate Jacob so much, y'all. I really do. I just can't stand his ass face. He actually says, without any hint of knowing what a complete jack hole he is, "I wanna write things on the side. I need to express what I'm feeling. I need to write music because it's just a part of me. I's [sic] just...need to do that. It's just too much a part of me to give it up." Then give up the rest and go write some songs somewhere far away. Go follow your dream, Jacob. You need to. Then, for some reason, we have to watch Jacob hold a guitar for thirteen seconds, but luckily there's no sound coming out of the guitar.

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